Ragamuffins and Reapers
by dead.but.true
Summary: Entering what he thought would be a peaceful afterlife, Harry gets instead thrown into a conflict of a galactic scale. Now Master of Death, he and his ragtag bunch of companions must save the world - and preferably keep their sanity.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I'm back! With a new story to boot...haven't updated my other stories due to reasons, but now my creativity has peaked again and I just had to write this piece! There are some great Harry Potter/ Mass Effect crossover stories out there, but I wanted to write one myself; although, if I finish this story, I plan to have Harry travel to another universe.**

 **Well, enough boring notes – enjoy reading!**

" _Usual white dream, I saw it there; I forgot what I saw. White cloud I saw a little while ago. What is it? Where is it? And...no sounds, no sounds. There is nothing, it doesn't reach in there, the place there. I was in there a little while ago. Is it wrong?"_

 _\- Gallhammer, Delirium Daydream_

When Harry closed his eyes for the last time, he was content. He had lived a happy life, up to the ripe age of 152 years. After his retirement as Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement he enjoyed staying at home with his wife Ginny, spoiling his grandchildren and grand-grandchildren. He had outlived Ginny by only a few months and – despite loving his life – he had been looking forward to meeting the rest of his family in the afterlife.

When he opened his eyes, he found himself once again standing in the bright simulacrum of King's Cross. Looking around, he saw the train in a haze of steam, ready for departure; the door of the wagon open, waiting for him to board the train. Elated he began to climb the stairs, when he heard a gravely voice behind him.

"Master."

"Oh bugger."

Harry turned around and saw a being he could only describe as the Grim Reaper; wrapped in a black cloak, face obscured under the hood, carrying a scythe. The Reaper stared back at him, dim points of light under the hood fixed on his face.

"Master.", repeated the Grim Reaper.

"Death.", said Harry in lieu of a greeting, unsure what to say at all.

"That I am.", confirmed the Reaper. "Or, to be precise, I'm an avatar of Death, a shell so you can see me, but this is neither here nor there."

"Yes, well...", said Harry awkwardly. "What is it that you want from me? You _are_ calling me Master, although I am pretty sure that I disposed of the Hallows – well, the Elder Wand and the Resurrection Stone."

"You did; nevertheless, having carried all three at the same time, even for only a moment, did make you my master.", said Death.

"Great.", muttered Harry. "The infamous Potter Luck carries on even after dying."

"It doesn't.", said Death. "I should have visited you while you were still alive. However, you were quite the conundrum; aside from being the first one to achieve the title 'Master of Death', you were also the only one to willingly cast aside the power at your disposal. An invincible wand, a stone capable of calling souls to the plane of the living...you would have been the most powerful wizard alive. Despite this, you decided on a quite life. Admirable, I say."

"It was the one thing I always wanted. Peace, that is.", Harry answered honestly.

"And this is why I let you live your life to the fullest. However, now that you are dead, you have to fulfill your role as my Master.", said Death. "Still, once again I will grant you a boon: you might not be able to truly pass on, but I will let you see your loved ones from time to time."

"Thanks, I guess.", said Harry. After a short pause he continued: "Wait, what do you mean 'fulfill your role' and 'not being able to pass on'?"

"The title 'Master of Death' is a powerful one, and with great power comes great responsibility.", recited Death. "At least, that's what I would say to a lesser wizard than you. Truth is, being Death is a nastily exhausting task; thus, I used the three hallows to create the legend of the Master of Death."

Harry blinked. He didn't expect that.

"You created the legend so someone would unite the hallows to...take your job?", he said slowly.

"Heavens, no!", exclaimed Death. "No, being me isn't something a human – or anyone mortal – could do or even comprehend. No, the Master of Death has the glorious task of lessening my workload by reducing the numbers of souls to reap. In a nutshell, saving the world."

Harry groaned.

"You want me to save the world? Again?!"

Death chuckled. "No, no...not this world. Other worlds. Other universes, even."

"I refuse.", said Harry flatly.

"You can't.", responded Death.

"Doesn't matter. I refuse. Once was enough."

"If you don't save the world, billions will die a horrific death!"

"Find someone else to do it."

"I can't!", exclaimed Death. "I mean, sure, someone _was_ chosen to save the universe, but he will fail, or at least the universe will fall into disarray."

Harry defiantly glared at Death. After a short, pregnant pause Death sighed.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. You'll hear me out and then you can decide."

"...fine", conceded Harry.

* * *

"There is an universe without magic; humanity has reached the stars, explored the galaxy and met with aliens. Stuff happened, and now they're facing destruction.", said Death.

"That's not an explanation. It's not even a brief summary.", rebuked Harry.

"Alright, alright. In the twenty-first and twenty-second century humanity was united into one global government and started colonizing the solar system. After uncovering ancient ruins on Mars, left by a species called the Protheans, they discovered something called a Mass Relay – giant contraptions used to travel great distances between star systems. After meeting an alien race called Turians, they waged the battle of Shanxi, which humanity lost. Nevertheless, they were included in the galactic community, led by the races of Salarians, Asari and Turians. The council, which decides in superseding matters, is located on the Citadel, a giant space station. However, a new threat is starting to rise, unknown to everyone. Beings called Reapers are about to invade the galaxy and eradicate all life.", explained Death in full. "As you can see, the situation _is_ pretty dire."

"Right. So, suppose I decide to help you out, what do you want me to do?", asked Harry intrigued.

"Well, firstly, you can spend some time with your family and friends; time doesn't matter here. But eventually, you would have to travel to this universe. Your job would not be to stop the Reapers; it's tedious, dangerous and there is already someone chosen to do that. You will support Jane Shepard – the one chosen to defeat the Reapers – and do some...odd jobs on the side. Of course, you won't do this alone. I'll send you help, and you will find friends to lessen your burden."

"...I don't like it. However, I can't let someone else do it all alone.", sighed Harry. "Alright, I'll do it. Now, where is everyone?"

Death chuckled and changed his form to a train conductor. "I hope you didn't forget your ticket. Board the train and off we go!"

* * *

After an eternity with his loved ones, Harry felt a strange pull in his chest. Instinctively recognizing it as a summon, he said his goodbyes and was transported to the "Station in the void", as he had started calling the limbo version of King's Cross.

"It's time.", said Death. "In a few moments you will depart and travel to another universe. These two shall be your companions: Taxidermy and the ghost of Siegmund Freud."

"What.", said Harry flatly, looking at a ghost and a...thing in a suit.

"Well, this is the ghost of Siegmund Freud-", said Death.

"Yes, that's rather obvious.", interrupted Harry. "But what's _that?!_ "

He pointed at the being called Taxidermy. It hat a humanoid body, though his hands resembled claws. His head – if one could call it that – was something stitched together. It looked like a deer's head with a beak; the sclera and pupil were pure black, the pupils an ominous red.

"He's Taxidermy!", said Death merrily. "He is a pretty nice being."

Harry looked incredulously from Death to Taxidermy and back. Deciding to let the matter go for now, he sighed.

"I'll bite. So, what now? Any hints what I should do?", he asked Death.

"Of course, of course. I will grant you the knowledge of the races living in this universe, how to use the technology...everything you would know if you'd been born into this world. You won't have your magic **(** **A/N edit: he regains it in later chapters, so please stop mentioning it in the reviews)** ; instead you'll be able to use something called biotics. I will transfer you to the Citadel. There you'll start your journey. Of course, I will also provide you with funds and the like, everything you need to survive."

"Sounds...promising.", said Harry. "Let's go."

 **A/N: Taxidermy is a character from the show "Lenore". The ticket refers to the one Harry got with his Hogwarts letter (it was never used, so maybe it was for the last ride).**


	2. Misfits, assemble!

**A/N: Already the second chapter! Or the first. Whatever. New characters ahead, as well as some action. Enjoy!**

" _The ones you can't control, brought together by life's twist; have only one another to depend upon. Displaced from society, outcast we are, we have nothing to live up to, we are all we have."_

 _\- The Casualties, We Are All We Have_

After a disorientating sensation, not unlike a portkey, Harry opened his eyes and looked around. He stood in a corridor with red lighting; sleek edges and metal predominant. Beside stood and floated his two new friends.

"So this is the Citadel.", said Harry. "Where are we?"

"You should check your omnitool.", supplied Taxidermy helpfully. He had a deep, ethereally voice.

"My what?", asked Harry, before he felt a sudden influx of information in his head. After the dizzying sensation he looked at his arm, opening his omnitool. "Ah, that thing. Alright. We seem to be...in the lower wards, near the market district."

After consulting the unfamiliar tool, he looked at himself. He wore a futuristic armor, made of something that seemed to be plastic. His back held and hip held several weapons. He instinctively knew how to use them. Looking at Taxidermy, he saw no weapons.

"How do you fight? And while addressing this issue, how do _I_ fight?", asked Harry. "I mean, I know how to use my weapons, but this biotics stuff – oh wait, nevermind. I know how to use it now."

Biotics seemed to be something like telekinesis, fueled by a substance called Element Zero, or Eezo for short. One could use to create shields, charge enemies, rip them apart or move things.

 _Basically, biotics are akin to the force. Substitute midichlorians with Eezo, and voila, Jedi powers._ , mused Harry.

Looking at Taxidermy, he remembered his earlier question. "So, what _can_ you two do?"

"I am a doctor.", said Freud proudly. "I specialize in psychotherapy and dreams."

"He has also an upstanding an honest character. He openly admitted to his desire to...fornicate with his mother.", interrupted Taxidermy.

"I didn't! You're getting it all wrong!", protested Freud hotly and tried to swot Taxidermy, only for his hand to pass through him.

"Enlightening.", said Harry dryly. "And you?"

"I am pretty good at taxidermy, as you might have deduced."

"Yeah, but Death wouldn't send me to another universe with an intelligent but morally corrupt ghost and a taxidermist, would he now?", asked Harry.

"I don't think so. Please, let me introduce myself: I am Taxidermy. I like my pets and dead things, although usually they are the same. I reanimate the dead to fight for me. I dislike people treating my pets badly and my dream for the future is to collect a lot of pets.", explained Taxidermy.

"That was equal parts explanatory and disturbing.", commented Harry. "No time to dawdle, though. We need to get going. We need a crew and a ship."

* * *

After walking around the space station aimlessly, they finally ended up in the foyer of Citadel Security – or C-Sec, as it was commonly called. A few people talked with officers in blue uniforms. The majority of officers were Turians, although a few were Salarians.

What really caught their eyes though was someone in a bulky, gray, worn armor. The being was easily seven feet tall, with a hump and seemed to consist solely of muscles. Bone plates on his head and the reddish-brown skin, along with a gravely voice – a Krogan. He was animatedly gesticulating in a heated discussion with a Turian C-Sec officer.

"I didn't do it!", yelled the Krogan. "I am innocent!"

"There was a shoot out in the market district. The only living witness around is you. You are a Krogan, the most violent species in the galaxy. Tell me why I shouldn't arrest you.", said the officer calmly.

"Because I'm innocent! And what about Vorcha? They are arguably the most violent species.", said the Krogan.

"Except they keep themselves to the Terminus systems and are barely intelligent enough to use a weapon. Face it, you are the most likely culprit."

Feeling strangely drawn to the Krogan, Harry decided to intervene.

"Excuse me for butting in, but is there a problem, officer?", he said.

Both turned to look at him.

"Yes, there is – dear God, what _are_ you?", yelled the C-Sec officer.

"I'm Harry Potter, a human.", responded Harry.

"Not you! Those two!", said the Turian.

"Oh. Well, this is Taxidermy, he likes dead things, and this is the ghost of Siegmund Freud, he likes his mother to an unhealthy degree.", said Harry.

"I resent that statement!", yelled Freud.

"That doesn't really explain anything! Also, a _ghost_?! There are no ghosts!", yelled the officer.

"I beg to differ. I am a sentient, existing being.", protested Freud hotly. "In fact, I bet you only repressed your belief in ghosts. Perhaps maternal issues? It begs further analysis. Is there a couch around?"

"Freud, please, don't try to cure the officer. I am pretty sure he has neither met a ghost before nor misplaced maternal issues.", said Taxidermy.

"I – what – _what the hell is going on?!_ ", yelled the officer, finally losing his cool.

"I asked if there was a problem.", supplied Harry helpfully.

"Yes! You!", said the officer.

Trying to defuse the situation, Harry tried his best Dumbledore impersonation. "Now now, my boy, calm down."

"I won't!"

"Very well.", said Harry, readying himself to use a Confundus charm; that is, until he realized that his magic was replaced by biotics. He looked at Taxidermy.

"Can't you do something?", he whispered.

"No, he isn't in the right state of mind.", replied Taxidermy.

"What would be the right state of mind?", asked Harry.

"Less alive."

"Ah."

"But Freud here should be able to help out. I think possession would be able to solve this issue.", said Taxidermy.

Harry looked at the ghost. "You heard him. Do your mojo."

Freud nodded and glided towards the officer and somehow was sucked into his body. The officer visibly calmed down, although the until now mute Krogan looked at the trio with a mix of awe and shock.

"Now, what is the problem?", asked Harry kindly.

"This Krogan is accused of murder.", answered the officer in a monotone voice.

"Did he do it?", asked Harry.

"The circumstantial evidence points toward it."

"But you don't have any hard evidence?"

"No.", said the officer.

"Well, I'd say you should let him go then, right?", said Harry kindly. The officer nodded.

"Great! Now, I think that's our cue to leave.", said Harry and turned to the Krogan. "I'm Harry, and you are?"

"...Kran. My name is Kran.", said the Krogan, seemingly confused.

"Well, Kran, what are you planning to do now?", asked Harry. "I could use someone of your skill in my crew."

"I...don't think I'd be a good addition.", said Kran.

"Why? Is it the ghost thing?", asked Harry.

"No, it's...well, you see...", squirmed Kran. Harry looked at him confused.

"I don't see."

"It's just that...", began Kran, only to fall silent again. In the background someone could be heard shouting. Turning around, Harry, Taxidermy and Kran saw an officer escorting someone to the cells. The suspect was covered in blood and yelled unintelligible ramblings. Shrugging his shoulders, he turned around and looked at Kran who still looked at the scene.

"Well, what's the problem?", asked Harry, but Kran didn't answer. In fact, he didn't move. "Kran? Hello? You alright there, buddy?"

"He is frozen in shock.", said Taxidermy.

"Really? But why? He only saw that guy...wait. No. Really?", said Harry exasperated.

"What is it?", asked Taxidermy.

"He's hemophobic.", said Harry. "We met a hemophobic Krogan."

* * *

After realizing what was probably the contradiction of the century, Harry shook Kran, attempting to snap him out of his fit. After a few moments, Kran started to move again. He fidgeted and looked at Harry.

"You saw it, didn't you?", he asked.

"Yes.", confirmed Harry. "Nevertheless, you'd make a great addition to my crew."

"I'm a hemophobic Krogan! I can't even fight!", argued Kran.

"We have an expert on hand.", said Harry. "I'm sure Freud can cure you."

"A ghost who persistently believes that everything is somehow related to mothers? Really?", said Kran.

"I don't think he means it. I mean, as far as I know, his works weren't focused on that kind of fetish. I guess.", said Harry. "I mean, sure, Oedipussy over here spearheaded the MILF community, but hey. He _is_ a pretty successful psychotherapist."

"More like Psycho the rapist!", yelled Kran.

"I really didn't want to do this, but – what else will you do? A hemophobic Krogan is pretty useless, to most people. If you join my crew, you at least have something to do.", said Harry.

"And what would you want me to do? Fight? I can't!", yelled Kran.

"We're probably fighting a lot of Geth.", said Taxidermy.

"I'm in."

* * *

After recruiting their first crew member, Harry and the rest decided to hire or buy a ship – after all, going on a mission of this scale required one, and Death, in his infinite wisdom, hadn't provided one. While Harry had enough money to buy a ship, complete with crew, he had no idea where he could do so and what to look out for.

"You don't own a ship?", asked Kran incredulously.

"Unfortunately not. I hoped you could help us out.", said Harry.

"Hm, I might. There are some people we could ask. What kind of ship do you need?", asked Kran.

"Well, it doesn't have to be armed heavily...a light freighter maybe? Something like that. We need a crew though; also, we'll operate on the...muddy side of the law, so they have to be experienced in that area too.", explained Harry.

"Ah, that narrows it down. We should probably ask around in Chora's Nest, it's a bar just a few minutes from here."

"Alright, let's go."

After leaving the lower wards and walking through some empty corridors, they stood at the entrance of the bar.

"Chora's Nest, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy on the Citadel.", said Kran.

Stepping closer, the doors slid open. In the middle of a big, circular room was a bar lined with drinks. Tables stood at the sides, some with dancing Asari on them, others empty.

"There is a guy I heard of, Harkin. He should be able to point us in the right direction.", said Kran. "He's a human."

Looking around, they soon found a middle aged man sitting alone. He had a receding hairline and was visibly drunk. Walking towards him, Harry readied himself for the conversation.

"Harkin?", he asked.

"Yesh?", slurred the man, now identified as Harkin.

"We heard you might be able to give us some pointers.", said Harry.

"'Spose so. Whaddya need?", asked Harkin.

"We need a ship, already manned. Ideally ready to leave on a moments notice."

"I shink I know a guy who knows a guy...", said Harkin slowly. "Wha's in for me?"

Internally debating if he should threaten or pay him, Harry carefully considered his next words. "We would pay you, of course."

"Hrm...20,000 Credits.", demanded Harkin. "Half of it upfront."

Harry frowned. It was a lot of money, but he could afford it.

"And you're sure we'll get a ship?", he asked.

"As sure as you can be on this dump.", shrugged Harkin. "Take it or leave it."

"Fine.", sighed Harry, using his omnitool to transfer 10,000 Credits to Harkin. Harkin nodded.

"Right. In the backroom, there's a guy who supposedly works for the Shadow Broker. If anyone can help you, it's him. Mention my name to the guard.", said Harkin.

Harry nodded and turned to leave. After he had taken a few steps, he heard a sultry voice.

"Excuse me, stranger."

Harry turned around and looked at an Asari. She wore tight, revealing clothes and was visibly armed.

"Sorry, I'm not interested in that kind of activity.", said Harry nonchalantly.

"What? No! I'm not a dancer!", protested the Asari. "I heard you were looking for a ship and a crew."

"You know someone who sells?", asked Kran.

"No...but if you're still hiring, I'd like to join.", said the Asari.

"Okay.", said Harry slowly. "Before you join us, there are some things to establish. First and foremost: who are you? Do you know what we are going to do? And why should we hire you?"

"My name is Iona T'Vess, I don't know, neither do I care, and I am a powerful biotic.", said Iona.

"Awfully convenient.", observed Taxidermy.

Looking closer at him, Iona's eyes widened. "Wait, he isn't wearing a mask? What is he?"

"He is an undiscovered species from a backwater planet in the Terminus systems.", explained Harry, thinking it would spare him further inquiries. "And the floating guy is the ghost of Siegmund Freud."

"There are no ghosts.", said Iona flatly.

"Well, I tried. Believe it or not. Now, our job will be...odd jobs around the galaxy? And fighting off an invasion of apocalyptic scale.", said Harry.

Iona looked disbelievingly at Harry. "Right."

Harry just shrugged. "Still with us? Can't promise you a good salary, though."

"Depends. When do we leave?"

"Preferably today, as soon as possible."

Iona hesitated for a bit. "Alright, I'm in."

* * *

The ragtag bunch of five moved towards the back rooms. Soon their way was blocked by a Krogan guard.

"Stop. Employees only.", snarled the guard.

"Harkin sent us.", said Harry. The Krogan looked at the five, his gaze stopping at Taxidermy and Freud. He shrugged.

"Very well.", said the guard. "You can pass. You and the Asari. The rest shall not."

Harry just sighed and nodded to Iona. They stepped through the door and saw a human male, approximately in his thirties.

"Welcome, welcome. What can I do for you?", asked the man.

"Well, Mister - ", started Harry.

"Fist.", said the man.

"Right. Mister Fist, an acquaintance of yours, Harkin, told us that you could help us find a ship.", said Harry.

"I might. What is its name?", asked Fist.

"Ah, my mistake. We need help buying a fully manned ship. I hoped you would know someone who sells one.", explained Harry.

"Hm...a manned and fully stocked ship?", asked Fist. "Now that you say it, there is one. It's not a beauty, but I think it should be sufficient for you. Still, you'll need a lot of money. It'll cost you at least a million credits."

"Not a problem.", said Harry. "Where can I find the ship?"

"There's a Krogan in the lower markets, his name is Brack. He is the one tasked to sell the ship. You'll find him easily, his armor is painted a bright red.", said Fist. "Now, this little tidbit of information isn't free..."

"I guessed as much.", sighed Harry. "How much?"

"50,000 Credits.", stated Fist bluntly.

Harry grumbled, but transferred the money into Fist's account.

"Well, we'll take our leave. Thank you for the information."

"Pleasure doing business with you."

* * *

After leaving Chora's Nest and paying Harkin the rest of his money, Harry eagerly walked towards the lower markets. Having marked the spot on his omnitool, he easily found the place. The five stepped through and looked around. Next to some crates they saw a Krogan in red armor.

"I think that's our guy.", said Harry. They walked towards the Krogan. "You Brack?"

"What's it to you?", grunted the Krogan.

"Fist sent us. We wanted to buy the ship."

"Ah, right, he mentioned someone like that. Okay, where's the money?"

"Where's the ship?", shot Harry back.

"Money first.", said Brack.

"Show us the ship.", demanded Harry. Brack sighed.

"Ah, well. You don't need to be alive for us to get the money.", said Brack and pulled out his shotgun.

"It's a trap!", yelled Harry. Shoving Brack away with a biotic push, he looked around to see some of the bystanders pulling out weapons on their own. Harry pulled out his gun, readying his biotics. Ducking behind a crate, he started firing. He looked around. Freud was levitating in the air, looking intrigued, Taxidermy was ducking behind a crate, Iona fired from her assault rifle and Kran did nothing.

"Why isn't the Krogan doing anything?", yelled Iona.

"He's hemophobic!", shouted Harry back.

"Are you kidding me?!", screeched Iona. "A hemophobic Krogan?!"

"I know, right? It's kinda funny!", answered Harry.

"I don't think so!", yelled Iona, shooting a Salarian and destroying another thug with a warp. Harry used a stasis field to keep several opponents locked in place and started shooting them one after another.

"Why do you have a Krogan with that kind of phobia? He's useless!", said Iona.

Harry frowned. "We have a very good psychoanalyst on board."

"With an incest fetish.", added Taxidermy mirthlessly. He was doing...something with his hands. Suddenly, a corpse rose, unbeknownst to the others, concentrating on the shootout.

"I resent that! Stop singling out this part of my legacy!", protested Freud. "And in fact, I'm good at treating phobias."

"Shut up, Oedypussy. I looked up your therapy on the extranet and it was full of your MILF fetish.", said Harry. Freud opened his mouth to reply, but the battlefield had fallen silent and everyone looked around.

"Did we get them?", asked Iona.

"I think so.", said Harry, when they heard a shout and crates were sent flying. A relatively unharmed, enraged Brack was storming towards them. His target was Kran, who still didn't move.

"I got this one.", said Taxidermy. He pointed his hand towards Brack and the corpse latched onto him, exploding and showering Kran in blood. Kran just blinked once before fainting.

"Oh God, that's sick!", exclaimed Harry, trying not to gag.

"What the hell?!", yelled Iona, before succumbing to nausea and throwing up.

"I think, you owe us an explanation. Preferably after we talked with Fist.", said Harry.

"You're just gonna ignore that?!", asked Iona incredulously.

"No, I'm suppressing the memory so I can focus on what has to be done. Afterwards, I can discuss my trauma with Oedypussy.", said Harry with a queasy grimace.

"...fair enough."

* * *

After waking Kran up, the five went to visit Fist, intend to get their ship and dish out some revenge. Entering Chora's Nest, they just shoved the guard aside and stormed into Fist's room. He looked at them in shock.

"Hello Fist.", purred Harry. "The transaction failed."

"A-ah well, that's...unfortunate.", stammered Fist.

"Yes, I think so too. But we could let bygones be bygones. How about you get us to the ship and we don't put a bullet in your head?"

"Sounds reasonable.", said a sweating Fist. "The ship is called Headmaster. It's docked in the lower wards. I tell the crew to be ready to depart."

"Thank you, Fist.", said Harry and left.

Passing a C-Sec officer at the bar, they heard his com activate.

"All units immediately to the lower markets! After a shootout with several casualties we're looking for a human male, a Krogan, an Asari, a human with a strange mask and something that looked like a VI!"

The five looked at each other. "I guess that's our cue to leave."

 **A/N: Aaand cut! Chapter is longer than I expected; considering the usual length of my chapters I'm pretty happy with it. I'll try to update once a week, don't know what the schedule will be.**

 **Oedypussy is a reference to a Loriot joke.**

 **Also, all those savvy in psychology and philosophy, sorry for my portrayal of Freud, but he's just so fun to mess with!**


	3. On the subject of smut

**Disclaimer: Since I accidentally forgot it for the first two chapters, it of course includes those two. Well, I own neither Mass Effect nor Harry Potter nor anything I quote, including – but not limited – to the songs.**

 **A/N: Haha, yes, weekly update! JK, stuff happened. First of all, big thanks to everyone who added this story to his alerts/favorites. Also, thanks for the reviews! I'll try to respond I person, if possible. On that note, short reply to the guest review: I can understand your complaint, but (at least at this point) magic would be too big of a Deus Ex Machina.**

 **Also, I borrowed the names from an older Rowan Atkinson sketch.**

 **Anywhooo...enjoy!**

" _If I get you in the loop_

 _When I make a point to be straight with you then_

 _In lieu of the innuendo, in the end, know my intent though_

 _I Brazilian wax poetic, so pathetically_

 _I don't wanna beat around the bush"_

 _\- Bloodhound Gang, Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo_

After listening to the comm unit of the C-Sec officer, the five needed to escape from the Citadel, quickly. They left Chora's Nest and headed towards the landing zones.

"Let's just hope Fist didn't betray us again.", muttered Iona.

"If he did, I will show him that I still am Krogan.", added Kran.

"Calm down, calm down.", said Harry. "You two are too loud; you're focusing other peoples attention on us."

Looking around, the Krogan and the Asari saw a few people pointing on them, whispering. They quickly shut up and moved on.

"We're nearing the landing zones.", said Kran.

"Great. So, once again, we're looking for a ship called 'Headmaster'. Shouldn't be too hard to find.", said Harry.

"There are dozen of ships around.", commented Freud.

"Yes, thank you, I _know_. It's called irony.", bit Harry back.

"Oh,"

"Oh indeed."

"We should split up.", said Taxidermy.

"Good idea. Kran, you're with Freud and Taxidermy. I'll take Iona.", said Harry, grabbed Iona's arm and pulled her away from the other three. "We'll take the right side."

* * *

After twenty ships, Harry and Iona stood in front of a board that identified the ship as the Headmaster. They pressed on a button to call someone from the ship. A minute later, the doors slid open and a man strut out. He was around 40 years old, had short brown hair and brown eyes.

"Good day! I am the captain, Suckmeoff.", said the man.

"Pardon me?", asked Harry.

"Yes?"

"What did you say?"

"I said that I'm the captain, Suckmeoff."

"Uhm, mate, sorry to break it to you but I am more interested in the opposite gender."

"Wha – that's my name! I am Captain Mikhail Suckmeoff!", said the captain enraged.

"Oh, I'm sorry!", said Harry embarrassed. He cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, Fist sent us. We bought the ship. My name is Harry."

"Ah, yes, I read the mail. So it's you two?"

"No, we still wait for three...friends. But please ready the ship, we need to leave. ASAP.", said Harry. Iona activated her omnitool and messaged Kran.

* * *

A few minutes later Kran, Taxidermy and Freud appeared. The captain accompanied them to the bridge. "We'll lift off any minute now. I want to use the time to introduce you to the crew."

"Very well. It will be nice to know them by name.", said Harry.

"I think so too! Let's not dawdle; I'll just make a roll call.", said Suckmeoff. "Ahem. Just raise your hand when your name is called. Alright, first one. Anus!"

A hand rose. Suckmeoff nodded.

"Assbended! Bottom! Clitoris!" Three hands rose.

"Really?", mumbled Harry and looked Iona. She shrugged.

"Over there we have several of our mechanics. From left to right: Doodoo, Enema, Fistup and Genital."

Iona closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. She sighed.

"Next to them are Herpes, Imadick and Jaculation. In the back you can see Myprick, Niceandquick, Ontop, Pube and Rigid. Our pilots are Tightfit, Upyoursh, Vulva, Yourprick and Zipper, and of course I, Captain Suckmeoff.

The five looked just around and shook their heads.

"Just my luck.", grumbled Harry. "Why do I buy the only crew whose names are more ridiculous than wizarding names?"

"These sure are some names.", muttered Kran.

"Serving with this crew makes me feel...dirty.", said Iona. She looked at Harry. "So, what now?"

"Well, I just received a message, let me read it first.", said Harry. He opened the message.

" _Travel to the planet whose coordinates I have attached to the mail. You will need it, believe me. Your humble servant."_

"First we travel to the planet whose coordinates I just uploaded. We'll decide what to do there later. After that, I think we need a lengthy conversation.", explained Harry.

"That's very vague.", grunted Kran.

"Let's just find a cabin for everyone, and then settle down. You could also visit our own doctor, Siegmund Freud. He can cure phobias and read dreams.", said Harry.

"Once again, the explanation is lacking, but it shall suffice for now.", commented Freud.

"Let's just look around.", said Kran.

* * *

As it turned out, there were several empty bunks, but only one cabin.

"Dibs on the cabin!", cheered Iona.

"Now wait a second! I paid, so the cabin is for me!", interjected Harry.

"But I am a woman!"

"I don't care. It's mine.", insisted Harry.

"Maybe we could share it?", asked Iona, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Alright, I suppose you could have the couch. Let's tuck in.", said Harry and left for the cabin. Iona looked dumbfounded, Kran just shrugged and the three men – or male Krogan, dead male human and thing with distinct male identifiers – left for their bunks. Iona shook her head and followed Harry.

After a few hours of refreshing sleep they met on the bridge.

"We're in orbit now, Harry.", said Suckmeoff. "There's a distress beacon activated. Should we patch it through?"

Harry nodded. Several seconds later the message was played.

" _bzzz….danger…requesting help...bzzzz….geth all roun...bzz….bzzzz…."_

"Well, doesn't sound that just great?", said Harry. "I suppose we should land and help."

"Are you stupid? The drop zone is swarming with Geth!", protested Iona.

"Pshh, we have a Krogan and two powerful biotics!", said Harry. "That should be enough."

"What about the deviant of a ghost and the thing?", asked Iona.

"I wanted to leave them on the ship. Would be easier.", admitted Harry.

"Alright, that's fair. I wouldn't want to see those two at my rescue.", said Kran.

"Great. Grab your guns and follow me! Captain, where's the drop shuttle?", said Harry. Suckmeoff looked embarrassed.

"Well, we have a Mako, but it's broken. So we'll have to land the ship. I hope that isn't too much of a problem.", he said.

"Oh no, no, it's not a problem...except for maybe Geth noticing us and shooting at the ship. But that won't happen, right?", asked Harry sarcastically.

"I assure you that won't happen.", said Suckmeoff. "Our pilots are experienced enough."

Harry nodded again and walked with Iona and Kran towards the entrance of the ship.

* * *

Five minutes later the hatch opened. The three sprinted out of the ship and ducked behind a crate.

"We'll pick you up here again!", yelled Suckmeoff over the comm link.

"Roger!", replied Harry. The ship took off into orbit and the three looked around.

"So, what happened here?", asked Harry.

"On this planet is a small human colony. Around a thousand inhabitants, but a good place to sell wares to Citadel space. And the beacon mentioned Geth. So I think we obviously are dealing with a Geth raid.", said Kran.

"But what are they here for?", asked Iona. Both men shrugged.

"Who knows? Let's go!", said Harry and pulled out his assault rifle.

The three jogged for about a mile, when Kran stopped. "Geth ahead."

Harry looked through the scope and saw three Geth platforms standing next to a building.

"I could get one of them from here with my sniper rifle, but that would give away our position.", said Harry.

"Can we sneak closer?", asked Iona.

"For about a hundred meters, I think.", said Kran.

"The distance will be enough to easily use our biotics and rifles. Good idea.", said Harry. "Let's go!"

The three ducked and slowly moved towards a crate. Crouching behind it, they went over the plan the last time.

"Iona, you shoot one of the three. Kran runs toward them, and I'll lift the other two with my biotics for you two to shoot down.", said Harry. Both aliens nodded. "On three! One...two...three!"

All three left cover. Iona started shooting and destroyed a Geth. Kran was rushing towards them and already crossed half the distance. Harry raised his arms and lifted the other Geth, keeping them in the air in a stasis field. They were easily dispatched by Kran and Iona.

"And that's that.", said Kran. "Nothing more satisfying than killing a few things."

"Okay, how do we progress?", asked Harry.

"The path is clear for now, but I expect heavy fire once we leave the outskirts and move towards the city center, where the beacon should be.", said Iona.

"Alright, Kran first, we follow you.", said Harry. Kran grunted and took point.

* * *

After a few minutes of walking, anxiously listening for any fire, they took cover behind a wall. "Geth ahead."

"How many?"

"I don't know. A lot."

"Can we kill them?", asked Kran.

"We should be able to kill all, yes.", said Harry.

"Then onwards!", yelled Kran, left cover and started firing his shotgun.

"Dammit Kran!", yelled Harry and followed him, firing short bursts from his rifle. Iona followed him and easily caught up.

"Over there! A crate!", said Iona. Both she and Harry took cover behind it and panted a little.

"Harry?", panted Iona.

"Yes?", Harry asked a little irritated.

"This might not be the best moment, but...this _is_ a human colony, right?"

"That's what Kran said, at least."

"So...where are all the humans?"

"Oh."

"And more importantly – someone managed to activate a distress beacon. That means someone is or was fighting the Geth.", said Iona.

"Your point?", asked Harry.

"Well…the only logical conclusion is that there are casualties. Which are probably out in the open. Dead. With wounds. And our vanguard is running headfirst into this war zone.", explained Iona hastily.

"Shit!", shouted Harry. He raised his head above cover. Kran had taken cover behind a pillar and was throwing anxious looks at the Geth.

"Is this anticipation born from his Krogan heritage or his hemophobia kicking in?", asked Harry. Kran let out a loud roar and started firing. "Nevermind."

They ran after Kran and shot at the Geth units in front of them. After several minutes, they had eliminated all enemies. They had left the outskirts and arrived at the colony.

"Let's check for survivors. Open com channels on send on all frequencies.", said Harry. Iona activated her omnitool and spoke into it.

"This is Iona T'Vess. We have arrived at the colony and are ready to assist. I repeat, we have arrived at the colony and are ready to assist.", she said.

After a few tense seconds of silence, a mechanical voice answered.

"Finally! This is Res'Tara nar Epona speaking. Requesting backup."

"Roger. Your position?", asked Iona.

"In the middle of the fucking village square!", yelled the woman over the comm.

"Ah, damn.", said Harry. "So you're telling me that we'll have to cross an open square to get to this Res'Tara? A place that probably is littered with corpses?"

Iona nodded. "Yeah, we probably should leave the big guy here. I mean, he'll be pretty much useless."

"What if we sedate him?", asked Harry. "Y'know, go all B.A. Barracus on his scaly ass?"

"I neither know who this B.A. is nor do I have even the faintest idea how you'll sedate a Krogan in battle mode.", commented Iona dryly. Harry grimaced.

"You're right. Well, we'll cross that bridge when we arrive."

* * *

After a few minutes of running and shooting a few Geth the three took cover behind a house. Harry leaned around the corner and took a look around. He saw several Geth units shooting at a heap of corpses and debris in the middle of a place that could have been the center of a small colony but was now littered with the signs of an extensive firefight. Every so often the barrel of a gun was lifted behind the heap and fired a few shots in the general direction of a Geth. He turned around to look at his two companions.

"Okay, so firstly, it doesn't look as bad as we thought. We can get to this Res'Tara in maybe a quarter of a minute if we run really fast. If we are careful, we might even shoot one or two Geth on our to the barricade. On the downside, Kran will most likely faint as soon as he gets out there."

"I am a Krogan! We don't faint!", protested Kran.

"You're a hemophobic Krogan. You're literally the antithesis of a Krogan. You are like a Salarian that does not talk like a machine gun. You are like a Volus that is bad at math. You are like a Turian that can't shoot.", bit Iona out. Kran gaped at these words, but quickly pulled up his gun.

"I will show you how Krogan I am!", he yelled. Chanting a battle cry, he left cover and ran for the barricade, only to freeze up, trip over a small piece of debris and falling down. He kept lying on the ground in a dead faint.

"At least he is as intelligent as a Krogan.", snorted Iona. "Why aren't the Geth shooting at him?"

"Eh, I think they did. They probably think he is already dead. If _organics_ have trouble comprehending the existence of a Krogan that can't find, how do you think AI will react to it? It would probably fry their hard drives.", explained Harry. "Anyway, it's our time to shine!"

The pair left cover guns blazing and ran for the barricade. Hitting a Geth, they made it to the heap mostly unharmed, with a few glancing shots deflected by their armor.

"Reinforcements have arrived!", yelled Harry and jumped over the barricade, followed by Iona. Behind it was a Quarian with a heavily modified suit.

"More Geth?!", she cried agitated. "Fuck!"

"I…meant us, actually.", said Harry. "I am Harry Potter, and this is Iona T'Vess. The big one is Kran."

"Res'Tara nar Epona.", said the Quarian. "Thanks for the help."

"Anytime.", said Harry. "I'd like to have a more in depth discussion, but this probably isn't the right time."

"Damn right it isn't!", shouted Res'Tara. "How's the situation outside?"

"We cleared everything except for the square. We are surrounded by maybe eight Geth.", explained Iona. "Not exactly impossible odds."

Res'Tara nodded. "I'll take three, you two take the rest. On three! One...two...three!"

All three stood up and began shooting. After a few tense moments, all Geth units had been destroyed. Panting, they left cover and walked towards Kran. Harry kicked him lightly.

"Out cold. Guess we'll have to carry him.", he said.

"No way, that lizard is way too heavy.", protested Iona. Res'Tara snorted, a sound that came out distorted due to her air filters.

"For you maybe. I can easily take him.", she said and grabbed Kran by his neck with her left arm. Hoisting him up, she began to move.

"How the hell are you doing that?", asked Harry amazed.

"Bionic arm.", said Res. "Pretty nice, huh?"

Iona and Harry nodded.

"Let's move on.", Harry said. "Our ship will pick us up at the edge of the colony. Let's just radio them in."

* * *

After half an hour the four settled down in the cargo room of the ship, as it was lacking a conference room and they were about to discuss some private information. Waiting for Kran to wake up, Harry called in Taxidermy and Siegmund Freud. A few minutes after their arrival – and enduring heavily scrutinizing looks from the Quarian – Kran woke up and Harry started their talk.

"Before you tell us what happened, let me just introduce everyone. I am Harry Potter, a seemingly ordinary human. This is Kran, a hemophobic Krogan, Iona T'Vess, an Asari that hasn't told us everything she maybe should, Taxidermy, an abomination of sorts and finally the ghost of Siegmund Freud, who is exceptionally annoying and distracting."

Res just looked at them in disbelief. "Sure, sure, whatever floats your boat. I am Res'Tara nar Epona, a Quarian that is on her Pilgrimage. Theoretically."

"Theoretically?", asked Iona confused.

"They kinda exiled me from the Flotilla.", admitted Res.

"How did that even happen?! Did you ally with the Geth?!", asked Iona disbelievingly.

"Heavens no! I had an accident and lost my left arm and leg. As a mechanic, that is pretty bad.", explained Res.

"It's even bad when your occupation is literally anything else.", commented Kran dryly.

"Well, yes. But, since I am a pretty awesome mechanic, I decided to just replace them with bionic limbs. Unfortunately, the Admirality has a dim view on anything that is mechanic and organic, so my cyborg limbs weren't received that well. And since I decided to use only the strongest materials – which incidentally are Geth parts – I was exiled."

"You're a Quarian-Geth cyborg? And they let you _live?!_ ", shouted Harry.

"Letting me live is a strong word. It was more like 'putting me on a ship to the Terminus systems in the hope of dying or falling into the hands of the Batarians'; I didn't, until we landed on this planet. Geth attacked, and you know the rest. It was pure happenstance that someone activated a distress beacon on time.", said Res.

"But why did the Geth attack? It's not like they gain anything from it, right?", asked Kran.

"Who knows?", said Iona. "They don't think like organics, so why should they act like one?"

"Maybe there is an underlying goal we just don't know.", hypothesized Harry. "Anyway, Miss nar Epona –"

"Just Res is fine.", cut Res in.

"Okay, Res, what are you planning to do now? Your ship's gone, right?", continued Harry. She nodded. "Our ship does need a mechanic. We can't pay you much, but if you're fine with a little scavenging..."

"I'll do it.", Res quickly said. "It's not like I have any other options left."

"Great!", smiled Harry. "This counts for –"

"Mandatory counseling.", said Freud, saying something for the first time.

"What the hell?!", asked Iona. "What is that all about? Just butting in and blabbing about your psychology nonsense!"

"Once again, Kran failed to perform accordingly.", said Freud. "It is a cause for major concern."

"Could you _please_ stop ruining the mood just so you can talk about misplaced mother issues and your incest fetish?", sighed Harry.

"I beg your pardon! My theories aren't of such a debased nature!", protested Freud. "Also, your wife _did_ bear an awfully resemblance to your mother."

"How dare you!", said Harry miffed. He tried to punch Freud, just for his fist to phase through the ghost.

"And that is ignoring the fact that you hail from a community that is pretty much the finest example of incest. Face it, back then in your community, everyone's family tree was a circle. Your lineages were interwoven enough to look like an Escher painting on LSD. If you'd look up 'incest' in a dictionary, there'd be a picture of half your graduating class! Well, half of what remained of them, anyway."

Meanwhile, Harry's face had turned red in an unhealthy mixture of rage and annoyance. "You...you..."

"That is an awfully unhealthy complexion you have there.", quipped Iona.

"Indeed. It reminds me of your uncle.", said Freud and nodded sagely.

Harry roared and tried to tackle Freud, only to fall flat on the ground.

"You will pay for this, Freud, _you will pay for this!_ "


	4. Raiders of the lost Disk

**A/N: Boom, weekly update! I decided to update weekly, but not every seven days. It's a schedule I can keep for at least two months, since I wrote enough scripts by now.**

 **I also decided to (re)introduce magic earlier than I wanted, due to the high demand. I never intended to take Harry's magic away permanently, since I will (at least in the sequel) introduce characters using magic, so of course Harry will get his back. Of course, not just all at once.**

 **I will post short omakes for every hundredth alert, so look forward to it!**

 **Also, it's really hard to name the chapters and look up the right quotes…**

 **That's enough for now, enjoy!**

" _I'm calling out to you, I'm begging you for help_

 _Because I've been giving all the answers_

 _and I can't even help myself"_

 _\- iwrestledabearonce, Boat Paddle_

It took several minutes of holding Harry down (and Kran sitting on him) for him to calm down so they could once return to a – hopefully – civil discussion. Harry sighed deeply.

"Right. Well. Some people said too much, others not enough. I propose we resume our conversation – before your intervention, Freud, and I swear to God, interrupt us again and I will find a way to shut you up for good – and thus, we should probably introduce ourselves a little more. Well, this only really applies to Iona. After that we can maybe answer a few personal questions and move on to our objectives. Sounds good?", said Harry. Everyone nodded.

Iona looked around uncomfortably. She cleared her throat and began her explanation. "My name is Iona T'Vess. I...am a pure-blooded Asari and an Ardat-Yakshi. While there's no one out to get me actively, if I run across a Justicar there is a miniscule chance they try to arrest me."

"Question.", said Res and looked at Iona. "What is an Ardat-Yakshi?"

"An Ardat-Yakshi is an Asari that suffers from a mysterious illness that leads to us being unable to 'unite' correctly. A detailed explanation would probably to confusing to anyone not intricately aware of Asari physiology and society. Basically, we're outcasts.", explained Iona.

"Oh.", said Harry. "Does being an Ardat-Yakshi have any symptoms when not treated? Does it worsen?"

"No, no...we have to live celibate, of course. Ardat-Yakshi that unite with other beings are being hunted by Justicars. So far, I have avoided any such follies.", said Iona.

"Hmm...anything we have to look out for?", asked Res.

"Don't have sex with me.", Iona said dryly.

"Ah, yes, that we could do.", said Harry. "It would probably be easier if you'd wear a white hat."

"White hat? Why?", asked Iona confused.

"Because I'd never even _think_ about having sex with a giant smurf.", grinned Harry; everyone just looked at him confused, not knowing what a smurf was. After a few seconds everyone had looked up smurfs on the extranet and Harry was sporting a bruise on his cheeks, being shot withering glares by the three aliens.

"You deserved that one.", said Kran.

"I know; worth it, though.", said Harry. "Any other questions?"

"Yes.", said Res once again. "Although you briefly explained it, _what_ are those two?"

She pointed at Taxidermy and Freud. Harry shrugged.

"Do you want a believable explanation or the truth?", he asked. "Have an open mind though; after all, truth is often stranger than fiction."

"Would the truth be distressing?", asked Res.

"It would be confusing, at the very least.", said Harry. Res was silent for a few minutes, until settling for the truth.

"Very well. Both of you correct me if I get something wrong, alright?", said Harry to Taxidermy and Freud. They nodded. "Alright, the floating and infuriating guy is the ghost of Siegmund Freud, a psychoanalyst who died centuries ago but might turn out to be useful. The other one is Taxidermy. I don't know what he is, but he is good at taxidermy, playing the straight man and doing unspeakable but fortunately not perverse things with dead things."

"Is it too late for the other option?", asked Res hopefully.

"Do you really think you will be able to forget that?", asked Taxidermy.

"It was worth a try.", said Res. "Where did you find them anyway?"

"We were introduced by a mutual acquaintance; our boss, to be precise.", said Harry.

"Your boss?", asked Res.

"Well it's _ours_ now, but yes.", said Harry.

"Who is our boss?", asked Kran. He didn't really seem to care – which he didn't, he was content enough to have an employer that could work with his phobia.

"The big man.", said Harry simply.

"He wishes to remain anonymous.", supplied Taxidermy.

"Yeah, let's go with that.", said Harry. "He is the one that gave us our mission. Tell me: have you ever heard of the Reapers?"

* * *

"Reapers? Can't say I have.", said Iona. Res and Kran denied, too.

"The Reapers are big bad aliens hellbent on destroying life as we know it.", said Harry.

"And you want us to stop them?", asked Iona skeptically. "You actually want us to save the world?"

"Heavens no!", exclaimed Harry. "Who would be stupid enough to do that? We are supposed to _aid_ the person trying to save the world."

"Which is that much of a difference.", commented Kran.

"Of course it is. We don't have to go on suicide missions and make noble sacrifices. All we have to do is travel across the galaxy and fight a lot of enemies, waging dangerous battles and suffering through grueling missions. Also, I'm paying you. At least, I will, once we have money. Speaking of money, is someone out there hiring? We kinda spent most of our money.", said Harry.

"Omega always offers some odd jobs to people who won't be missed.", said Kran.

"That's great.", nodded Harry.

"Wait wait wait.", cut Iona in. "If we're not supposed to save the universe, who is it then?"

Harry looked perplexed. "Eh, who was it again? I forgot..."

A few tense seconds later, and sporting another bruise – which he admittedly did deserve – he back tracked. "Jeez, I'm just kidding! Apparently it's someone called Jane Shepard."

"Shepard? Never heard of her.", mused Kran. "What is she doing? Mercenary? Assassin? Spectre?"

"Alliance, I think.", said Harry.

"Wait, you're telling me the Alliance knows about this Reaper things?", asked Res.

"I guess? I mean, why else should they send her?", said Harry.

"But I never heard anything about it! And this is something that should have spread like wildfire!", said Res. "There has been nothing going on. No stockpiling of equipment, no new fleets, nothing."

Everyone looked surprised. Thinking a few moments about it, Harry finally shrugged his shoulders. "We'll find out eventually."

"Why don't you just contact the boss? He seemed to know about it.", suggested Iona. Kran nodded.

"Of course I will.", said Harry. Internally he was hoping that Death was listening in, because he had absolutely no idea how to contact him. It wasn't like Death had given him his phone number, and wouldn't _that_ be ridiculous. "I will do so at our earliest convenience. Hopefully he has further information for us, lest we really have to do a visit on Omega."

That said, they split up. As Harry was walking to his cabin, he was interrupted by Taxidermy.

"Do you even know how to contact Death?", asked the being cautiously.

"Of course –"

"– not, right?", said Taxidermy. Harry just kept quiet. "I thought so. Luckily, he gave me a way to contact him. Switch off the lights, light a candle, step in front of a mirror, say his name three times, snuff the candle out and he will appear. Also, you have to stand on one leg while doing it."

"You're kidding me.", said Harry flatly.

"Yes.", admitted Taxidermy. "Step in front of a mirror and write the following sequence on the mirror: 42-42-DIE."

"No, seriously, how do I do it?", asked Harry irritated.

"I just told you.", said Taxidermy.

"Bullshit!", yelled Harry, but Taxidermy didn't react. "Really? What kind of contact information is that?! How about a phone number? Email? Anything?"

Taxidermy shrugged. "I don't think beings of such power are bound by such...human concepts. I am a little surprised myself that you don't have to sacrifice a virgin maiden under a full moon."

Harry sighed. "I'll take what I can get."

* * *

"Here goes nothing."

Harry stood in front of his mirror – fortunately Iona wasn't in his room at the moment – and started to write on its shiny surface, incidentally leaving smears. After a few moments he saw a reflection in the mirror. Turning around, he came face to face with the Grim Reaper himself.

"Color me impressed, it worked.", he said.

"Of course it did.", said Death.

"I started to not take things for granted. Really makes me miss my magic.", said Harry with a wistful look in his eyes. "Speaking of magic, why can't I use mine?"

"There is no magic in this universe.", Death stated.

"Yes, I realized that too, but there's biotics, mass relays and people even mostly accept Taxidermy. They do have problems with Freud, but those are mostly his own faults.", said Harry.

"Your magic would be too powerful. Just imagine what you could do with it.", said Death.

"I'm in a place where people sometimes don't even bat an eye when someone is shot. Everyone can carry dangerous weaponry including explosives. How is magic too powerful? Are tickling charms deadly? Will changing the skin color of a Turian cause it to painfully wither away?", asked Harry.

"No.", admitted Death.

"So, most – if not all – combat magic can easily be neglected, since most curses don't really hold up against a shotgun blast. What are the worst things I can use? Avada Kedavra? Crucio? A Legilimens?", challenged Harry.

"Probably.", admitted Death. "But such power..."

"Oh please.", said Harry annoyed. "I can do the same amount of damage by ticking off a Krogan."

Death was silent for a minute.

"Very well.", he said with a sigh. "I had planned for you to regain your magic; at least in the next life you'll use it anyway. To make it easier on you, you don't even need a wand. However, I can't give you back all your magic at once."

"Can't or won't?", asked Harry.

"...won't, alright? Even I have some rules I have to obey.", said Death irritated.

"Really?", asked Harry surprised. "I always thought Death could do anything he wanted."

"Of course not! Well, I _could_ do anything I wanted, but in the end I would be the one to clean up the ensuing mess by myself, so why bother." Death sighed. "But I guess you're not interested in a discussion about the responsibility of almighty entities. I will tie the knowledge of your magic to relics strewn about the galaxy. Once you discover one, you will regain a piece of knowledge. Sometimes I might be able to drop hints on their location, sometimes you will just stumble upon them."

"That's...great?", said Harry with uncertainty. "At least I will get it back, if only gradually. Oh, and since you are here, how should we continue?"

"Ah, right, your mission. I said I would drop hints, didn't I? There is a small camp on a planet way out in the Terminus systems; go there and find a Prothean artifact. It's a disk. I think you will like it. Once you retrieve it, meet up with a woman named Liara T'Soni and give her the disk. It will be of great use in the future. These are the coordinates."

With a beep, Harry received some information on his omnitool. He nodded in thanks. "Liara T'Soni...is she famous or powerful or something?"

"She is smart.", said Death. "But so are you, and you are sometimes a really hard person to work with."

"Thank you.", said Harry. Death shrugged.

"Anytime. I have to go, there is someone waiting for me. That is, if he didn't miraculously escaped me once again. Such an interesting person he is, this Rincewind..."

Death disappeared and Harry looked at the empty spot in bewilderment.

"What was that all about?!"

* * *

After collecting the few fleeting thoughts in his head, Harry walked onto the bridge and ordered Suckmeoff to fly to the coordinates given him by Death. Grabbing a quick bite to eat, he decided to spend the few hours til arrival sleeping. Waking up refreshed, he finished his ablutions, he returned to the bridge. Inquiring about their estimated arrival, he contacted Iona and Res. Meeting up with the two, he briefed them on their mission.

"I have received information that pirates on the surface of this planet are in possession of an ancient object. We are to retrieve it and subsequently will deliver it to an expert. I'd like you two to accompany me; you are after all the best people I could take with me.", explained Harry.

"Thank you.", said Iona.

"It was by process of elimination, so no need to thank me.", said Harry, ignoring the furious look he received in return. "We will be dropped by the Headmaster. As soon as we leave the ship, we'll shoot everything that moves, I guess."

"Sounds like a plan.", said Res and started to check her weapons. Iona did the same. The three walked to the drop hatch and waited for the signal to go. After a few minutes, the door opened and the three ran out of the ship.

"Where are the pirates?", asked Harry via comm.

"We dropped you out of sight.", explained Suckmeoff. "We wanted to avoid drawing fire. Just walk over the hill and you will see the base."

"Alright."

The three started their short trek, and after half an hour they stood atop the hill, looking down at the camp. Two watchtowers, each manned by one guard, as well as five men behind barricades.

"I can take down the towers with my sniper rifle.", said Harry. "Run down and engage when I start firing, I will cover you from up here."

Iona and Res nodded. Readying their weapons, they waited for Harry to take aim. As soon as they heard the bang of a shot, they ran down the hill, firing a few shots to suppress enemy fire. On arrival they saw that Harry had managed to shoot another one. Now facing only four men, they made quick work of them with their biotics and a few well-placed shots. Minutes later, they were joined by Harry, who immediately started looting the corpses. He looked at them.

"What? There is a lot of money to be made in looting corpses!", he defended himself. "And all the cheap stuff we can't carry we can always use to produce some resources."

"Yeah, I know, we weren't judging you, y'know?", said Res. "I'm Quarian, we're _taught_ how to do that stuff."

"Oh.", said Harry. "Well, what are you waiting for? I already found myself some nice credits!"

Iona and Res just looked at each other, shrugged and started looting their opponents. In the end, everyone found some upgraded ammunition, providing extra damage against synthetic enemies.

"If that's a regular base, they must have stocked some provisions, right? Damn, this trip is going to save us so much money!", said Harry happily.

"Are we really that desperate or do you just don't want to pay for anything?", deadpanned Res.

"Eh, we still have enough money for the basics, but just imagine what we can buy now! New armor, weapons, Fornax for Freud...", smiled Harry.

"Ew.", cringed Iona. "I did _not_ want to hear that. Damn my vivid imagination."

Harry and Res chuckled.

* * *

Harry pulled out his shotgun and Iona and Res rose their assault rifles. On a count of three they entered the base. There was an empty decontamination chamber, which automatically cleaned off any traces of contamination from the planet's surface. Waiting for the main door to open, they all checked their weapons one last time. As soon as the door slid open, they ran inside and took cover, and not a moment too soon. Immediately enemy fire honed in on them. Harry took up a position enabling him to shoot everyone that was too close to them, while Iona and Res started picking off enemies with their rifles. After seeing several containers with explosive compounds Harry and Iona had decided against using their biotics for fear of blowing up the base.

It was a tense fight; the narrow passages allowed several enemies close enough to deliver glancing hits. Though no one was wounded, Harry had his fair share of work. Once he even had to fight off two enemies in different directions, which allowed a third one to sneak up on Res – he was easily eviscerated by a blade coming from her bionic arm.

"This is equal parts cool and disturbing.", panted Harry after the shoot out.

"I told you, only the best materials. Of _course_ I had to upgrade my limbs. Very useful, those babies.", said Res proudly.

"Should I ever need prosthetic limbs, I'll ask you.", said Iona jokingly.

"Sure, just don't tell any Quarian who made them.", said Res. Iona nodded.

The three moved through the base, looting corpses and opening a few cupboards. After collecting several cheap weapons and a handful credits, Harry looked around.

"Where is this stupid artifact?!"

"Maybe there?", asked Res and pointed at a door.

"How the hell did I miss the door?", asked Harry confused.

"Well, you looked pretty eager rifling through all this stuff so we thought you just saved it for last.", shrugged Iona.

"You know, I'm glad I didn't take Kran with me.", said Harry. "He would have overlooked it to."

The three walked to the door and Res used her arm to pry it open. Peering through, they saw a dimly lit cave. Readying their weapons, they walked in. The cave turned out to be the entrance to a veritable maze of cold, damp and partially flooded caves. Small lamps hung from the walls, providing weak lighting.

"This place looks pretty decrepit.", commented Iona.

"Yeah, and it doesn't seem structurally sound. Better not make too much noise or anything.", said Harry. The two women agreed. After walking another fifteen minutes, they found a few containers.

"Maybe it's in here?", said Iona and opened one. "Ew, no, it's just spoiled provisions. All moldy and rotten."

Before she could close the container, Harry raised his hand. "Wait, did you hear that?"

"Hear wha – holy shit, it's moving!", yelled Iona and dropped the lid. Immediately several tentacles shot out from the container and tried to attack her. One grabbed her leg and pulled her closer. She raised her rifle and shot at it. The monster exploded and showered them in bits of rotten rations.

"Oh God, that's _revolting_!", yelled Harry and started to retch. Suddenly, he looked up. "Wait, if we had filmed this, would Fornax buy it under the label of food porn?"

For the third time this day, his cheek sported a bruise.

"I definitely did deserve that one.", he admitted apologetically.

* * *

Having passed through another two small caves, they finally reached a dead end. On a pedestal at the back of the cave was a disk-shaped object.

"Finally! We found it!", exclaimed Harry happily. He walked to the pedestal and grabbed the Prothean disk. It looked boring; it was just a disk with glyphs he couldn't read. Still, he felt magic pulsating in this artifact. As they turned to leave, they heard a loud moan. Before anyone – especially Harry – could comment on it, two walls slid down and they were rushed by several zombie-ish beings with gray skin and empty eyes.

"Holy shit!", yelled Res.

"Open fire!", screamed Iona. All three were shooting wildly at the monsters, dropping them like flies. However, the mass of monsters didn't seem to end. Nearly overrun, two biotic explosions ripped the horde apart, leaving only the three standing.

"That was _way_ too close.", said Iona. Suddenly the cave shook.

"You just had to say it, didn't you?!", yelled Res as stones started to drop from the ceiling.

"Stop arguing and run!", screamed Harry and ran to the exit. "I don't want to be crushed by tons of rocks on some backwater planet!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't have used biotics!", yelled Iona.

"I didn't! It was totally you!", said Harry. They had ran through several caves by now, but the rocks were still dropping. "I told you not to use them!"

"You little –! Just wait, when we make it out here alive, I'll show you what my biotics look like!", snarled Iona.

"You're just proving my point!", yelled Harry. The three had miraculously arrived at the door and entered the base. Panting, the Asari and the human glared at each other.

"You're going to regret this.", bit Iona out.

"You will find out I regret little.", bit Harry back, temper flaring. However, his furious looks were diminished by the bits of rotten food that still covered the three.

"Let's just call the ship to pick us and all the stuff here up.", sighed Res, who was content with not losing another limb. Harry and Iona just shot each other murderous looks, but nodded hesitantly.

"As long as Iona isn't helping storing that stuff. I don't think I can handle another food monster."

* * *

"I totally didn't deserve _that_ one!", complained Harry as they boarded the Headmaster. Res nodded in agreement. Iona had a sour look on her face.

"Whatever. I am taking an extensive shower now.", she said and walked to the women's washroom, followed by Res, who shot Harry a pitying look. Harry sighed deeply and walked to his room, ready to take a shower, but first, he had to study that disk!

Pulling it out, he took a closer look. Before he could even try to make sense of it, he felt knowledge flowing in his head.

"This...this magic! It's...Wingardium Leviosa? _Wingardium Leviosa?!_ " Harry had a fit of homeric laughter. "You want to hear a spell? Wingardium Levi-fuck you!"

He raised a fist to the heavens above, shaking with anger.

"Wingardium Leviosa...", he muttered. "What's next? Lumos?"

 **A/N: Boom, finished! Hehe, couldn't pass up on that joke! Well, Harry will soon learn more useful magic. Next chapter: lots of blue skin and a Freudian slip-up!**


	5. Ghost-busted?

**A/N: Next update! A Guest review pointed out that the jokes of the story feel forced; I really appreciated that review. As nice as it is to receive an encouraging review, the most helpful are those pointing out flaws. They help to improve on my writing, so _please_ , if you leave a review, tell me what you didn't like, as it will help me to further improve my writing skills.**

 **Sadly, I have to admit that I am most certainly not the best writer when it comes to humor (except for black humor or political satire, which are unsuitable); as far as I know, I'm certainly not even a talented writer in other aspects, at least in English. I will do my best to improve though.**

 **No other important notes for now, enjoy!**

" _Ingemisco, tamquam reus_

 _Culpa rubet vultus meus_

 _Supplicanti parce Deus"_

 _\- Dies Irae_

Coming down from his tantrum, Harry took a few deep breaths. It was useless to curse at Death, and he was suspecting that it might just have been a joke on his expense; at least, he hoped so. If he'd really only regain one spell with each object, it would take forever, and he was working on limited time. Deciding to wait until he would pick up the next artifact, he started to flesh out his plans. Death had advised him to meet with someone called Liara T'Soni. If her name was any indication, she probably was an Asari. But how would he contact her? Did she have some kind of contact info lying around on the extranet? Probably not. Harry decided to try it anyway. Before he could do so however, the door to his room opened and Iona entered, her skin still slightly damp from her shower.

"Urgh, finally.", she said. "It took _forever_ to get this stuff off me."

Harry nodded. He had encountered the same problem; he had been surprised how sticky spoiled food could be, although it might have to do with it being alive. It had been a first for him; surprisingly, even in his long career as an auror he had never encountered something as strange as that.

"Iona?", he asked.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever heard of someone called Liara T'Soni? Her name sounds like an Asari name, and my boss recommended meeting with her. Is she famous?"

"Can't say I've heard that name before. Now, the T'Soni I know of course; after all, Matriarch Benezia is well known and respected.", answered Iona.

"Matriarch Benezia?", asked Harry intrigued.

"A Matriarch is an Asari that is around a thousand years old. People look up to them for guidance, and they take leading positions among the Asari race. Benezia is one of the most revered and famous Matriarchs there is.", explained Iona. "So, just from her name, I'd wager this Liara is related to her. Maybe her daughter? I didn't really keep up with the latest news, with constantly being on the move and all."

"Interesting...", said Harry. "So I guess Liara T'Soni should be easy to find via extranet, no?"

"If she is related to Benezia, definitely.", confirmed Iona. She walked to a small cabinet and pulled out a new set of clothing. "Now, would you kindly leave? I want to get dressed."

"Of course, of course.", said Harry and left for the bridge. In the elevator, he activated his omnitool and looked up the name.

"Liara T'Soni...famous scholar and archaeologist. Specializes on Prothean culture and artifacts. A mere century old, which is apparently just adult for Asari biology. Currently resides on Ilium. Contact information are not public, but there should be enough people knowing her location on Ilium, if she is this famous." He sighed. "Ilium...a planet full of information brokers, a commercial center and trading hub. Mainly Asari population, followed by Volus and people looking for work, eh? Wonder who I can take with me, word tends to spread fast there."

The doors of the elevator opened and Harry walked up to Suckmeoff. "Captain, set course for Ilium."

"Right away, Sir."

"Anything I should pick up while I'm there?", asked Harry.

"The materials and rations you acquired are sufficient for now, but I wouldn't be averse to more spare parts. Fixing the Mako might be possible. New navigation charts, maybe. As for the ship, there is nothing that needs immediate replacement or restocking.", said the Captain.

"Alright.", nodded Harry. "Please tell me when we arrive."

"Of course."

* * *

Harry started considering which members of his crew he would take with him to Ilium. Iona was automatically out. She was an Ardat-Yakshi, and the possibility of running into a Justicar on a planet controlled by Asari was way higher than elsewhere. Even if she hadn't committed any crimes so far, he didn't want to risk any unnecessary trouble.

Taxidermy was out too, as his appearance would certainly turn more than one head, and a planet thriving on information brokering would immediately try to find more about him and the people accompanying Taxidermy, and Harry wanted to avoid as much attention as possible.

Res, while outwardly a mostly normal Quarian, would easily be recognized by those that were undoubtedly scanning newcomers; her appearance was quite unique, once you got down to the details. A cyborg Quarian? That would turn into a hassle.

Kran was an option, for sure. His outward appearance wasn't suspicious, and his hemophobia wouldn't be discovered if they don't start any trouble (Harry wasn't sure that _wouldn't_ happen, considering his impressive track record of freak occurrences, but he did not really have any other options).

Freud...Freud was another topic entirely. While he could possibly pass off as a VI – or AI – he was acting to autonomous to be inconspicuous. If they could convince to not move and speak however, people might just ignore him.

Deciding that the risk of trouble was probably the lowest while being accompanied by Kran and Freud, he started to make his way to the other members of the crew. Maybe they needed something, and he was about to leave the ship, so he could pick up something for them. Hoping everyone – except for Iona, who would most likely still be in his room – would be in the crew quarters, he once again left for the elevator.

A few minutes later he arrived and saw Kran, Freud and Taxidermy sitting on their bunks.

"Hey.", Harry greeted them. "We're heading for Ilium now. I'd like for Freud and Kran to accompany me. The details we will discuss when we are docking. For now, I would like to now if you want me to get you something, Taxidermy."

The being looked at him in thought, but finally shook his head. "I have everything I need, and the things I want you best not procure on a planet in Citadel Space. That aside, I probably couldn't keep them on the ship anyway. I miss my pets though...", he sighed.

"Okay.", nodded Harry. "I'll check in on Iona and Res. Kran, Freud, we will meet up later, okay?"

Seeing both of them agree with a nod and a grunt respectively, he left for the engine room, where he suspected the Quarian to be. After all, she was a mechanic; and indeed, she was there, looking at the Mako, scanning it and occasionally probing it.

"Harry.", she greeted him.

"Hey Res. We are on our way to Ilium, and I wanted to ask if you want me to pick up something for you."

"Hm...spare parts for the Mako, if you have the time. I need a new respirator, but that is better left to an expert. Some weapon upgrades? We will most likely acquire them for free at some point, but I'd rather not wait for our next raid. So if you have the time, browse the stores, will you?", she said.

"Will do. Anything else?", asked Harry.

"Thanks, but no. The parts for the Mako are the most important though. I will send you the specs later.", said Res and went back to her work. Harry nodded and left for his room, hoping to find Iona.

Arriving, he knocked on the door. He didn't expect her to still change her clothes, but it was common courtesy.

"Enter.", he heard her muffled voice through the door. He opened it and stepped in. Iona had changed into a more comfortable, yet still formfitting suit. Somehow, Harry thought, these one pieces were way too popular. What had happened to good old fashioned clothing? Shaking his head to clear it from any distractions, he proceeded to ask her the same question he asked the other members of his team.

"If I need something? Well, there are several things I _want_ , but need? Nothing that immediately comes to mind, I'm afraid. At least not without getting some payment out of you first.", said Iona with a chuckle. "And most of the things I want to buy I'd rather buy myself; I don't think you'd like to buy my clothes for me."

"I have to admit that I never was that great at buying the right stuff.", said Harry. Growing up wearing Dudley's old clothes – and the amazingly comfortable Weasley sweaters – he had never had any interest in clothing. He liked them comfortable, and otherwise let Ginny do the shopping; the one thing he knew since his teens was that darker shades of greens suited him.

"Ah, well. Guess I'll just buy them the next time we visit the Citadel.", said Iona. "When will that be, by the way?"

"Not sure.", said Harry. "I'd wager in about a week or so? Our stop on Ilium should be rather short, and after that it's either Omega or the Citadel."

"Omega?"

"You don't like it there?", asked Harry.

"Nobody likes it there.", snorted Iona. "If you're not on top of the food chain, you're fucked. You know that point in life when you have either nothing left or everything is in tatters? _That's_ when you move to Omega. Omega is nothing else but a trash bin; but as they say, one mans trash is another mans treasure, and there is lots of treasure to be found there, no gold, but it glitters."

Harry chose not to comment on the rather awful wordplay and just nodded. "Well, we do need some money, and I heard you can make a quick buck there."

"That's true. If you're not afraid to get your hands dirty.", confirmed Iona.

"Whatever it is, it can't be worse than what we've already done.", shrugged Harry.

"You'd be surprised. Tell me when we're heading to the Citadel, will you?", said Iona and effectively ended the conversation. Harry nodded and looked at his omnitool. Still a few hours til arrival. Yawning, he went to his bed and tried to fall asleep.

* * *

After a few hours the persistent ringing of his alarm woke him up. They would soon arrive on Ilium. Harry checked himself in the mirror before leaving for the bridge. On his way he sent a message for Kran and Freud to meet up with him there. Arriving, he saw the two standing near the elevator.

"Are you ready?", he asked. The other two nodded. "Great. We're looking for an Asari named Liara T'Soni. I figure we will have to ask an information broker about her location."

"What is so important about her?", asked Kran.

"Remember the object we picked up on that godforsaken planet? She should be able to analyze it properly. We'll figure out our next steps once we spoke to her.", explained Harry. "Now, the reason I chose you two is because you are the most inconspicuous I could think of."

"Freud? Inconspicuous?", asked Kran sceptically. "I highly doubt that. Once he opens his mouth, we'll have a Salarian STG on our asses."

"That may be so, but I have a cunning plan.", smiled Harry.

"A cunning plan?", asked Kran sceptically.

"Indeed. He will pose as a VI. All he has to do is do nothing. Give one or two predetermined answers when spoken to, but otherwise just stay silent.", said Harry.

"You don't expect that to work, do you?", asked Kran. "We will be busted."

Harry fell silent. "You know what? You're right. I don't know what I've been thinking."

"Either too much or nothing at all.", chuckled Kran. Harry scoffed.

"Freud, you stay here. It will be just Kran and me. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

* * *

After passing customs, the two exited the port. Looking around, they saw a plethora of Asari as well as several Volus. Everyone either stood around sales booths or was talking with someone, face to face or via omnitool. Since they stood on a plaza, half of it showed the rather beautiful sight of Ilium.

"It looks way more beautiful than the Citadel.", commented Harry.

"I never really cared about that.", grunted Kran. "Such beauty usually eludes Krogans. We have no use for it. Tuchanka is plenty beautiful – at least, it used to be."

"It's a wasteland nowadays, right?", asked Harry.

"Yep, lots of ruins, salt lakes and pockets of leftover radiation. It is a very Krogan planet.", confirmed Kran. "Now, how are we gonna find this Liara?"

"Eh, just take a look around until we find someone who is an information broker and ask them. Shouldn't be too expensive, as it is no information of high value.", said Harry and started walking across the plaza. Keeping his eyes wide open, he looked for a sign advertising an information broker.

Just as he had expected of Ilium, it took them a mere quarter of an hour until they found an Asari standing at a booth that had a sign identifying her as a broker.

"Hello.", said Harry, walking up to her. The Asari simply nodded. "We're looking for someone."

"Most people do. Otherwise they wouldn't be in need of my services.", said the broker dryly.

"Yes, well...", said Harry awkwardly. "We're looking for an Asari named Liara T'Soni. Do you know where she is right now?"

"5000 credits.", the broker said in a no-nonsense voice. Harry grimaced but paid up. The broker confirmed the transaction and nodded. "She usually hangs around the archives, doing some research for a paper or whatnot."

"Thank you.", said Harry and turned to Kran. "Let's go find a cab."

Kran nodded and both left for a shuttle. They had seen a few of them parked at the middle of the plaza. Five minutes later, they were in the air and heading for the archives.

The archives, by the looks of it, were ancient. The building itself clashed with the surroundings, with stone walls and a lot less glass and metal than the skyscrapers usually found on Ilium. Huge doors, decorated with ornaments, led into an antechamber with a registration desk. The two walked to the Asari manning the counter.

"Hello. We are looking for an archaeologist named Liara T'Soni. Is she perchance here?", asked Harry politely. The Asari looked at a screen and nodded.

"Yes, she came this morning and hasn't left yet. She is in subsection B. Take the elevator two stories up and head left. You should find her easily."

"Thank you.", said Harry with a nod. He and Kran entered the elevator.

"These damn elevators take way too long.", commented Kran when the doors opened. "Half a minute for two stories? In this day and age? Ridiculous."

Harry just sighed. "I know, right?"

They stepped out of the elevator and turned left, walking down a long hallway. Soon they stood in front of a door, which immediately slid open, allowing them entry. Looking around, they saw massive shelves, holding artifacts, books and disks containing massive amounts of data.

"Find her easily?", balked Harry. "Although this place is empty, it's huge!"

Kran and Harry proceeded to walk down the aisles. After several minutes, they finally saw an Asari sitting at a desk. She was intensely focused on an object on the table. They walked up to her, but she didn't seem to notice them. Harry cleared his throat and the Asari looked up in surprise.

"Liara T'Soni?", asked Harry.

"Yes?", asked Liara, confused. "Can I help you?"

"I certainly hope so. We have been looking for you.", said Harry and pulled out the Prothean disk. "We hoped you could help us with this."

"This is –", exclaimed Liara in awe. Studying the object a little closer, her eyes widened. "This is a Prothean disk! And by looks of it, it's undamaged! Where did you find it?!"

"Somewhere in the Terminus systems, hidden in a pirate base.", said Harry, omitting the whole truth.

"Incredible.", whispered Liara. "This is the most important find of the decade, I'd say!"

Harry whistled surprised. "Really? Well, what can you tell us about it?"

Liara hummed. "The Protheans used these disks to store important data packages. Because they are so old, they are rarely found intact or even in one piece. While the data is most likely lost due to age, it still is an impressive discovery. I wonder how the pirates found it though. Maybe they stole it?"

"I don't know. I did not have a chance to ask them, I was occupied with not getting shot.", said Harry. Liara handed him the disk back. "Keep it."

"What?!", yelled Liara. "Do you have any idea how important this thing is? It's a priceless artifact! Not something you can hand out willy-nilly."

"I have no real use for it though.", said Harry. "And I don't know where to sell it."

Liara chewed on her lips. "The archives would be willing to buy, I guess. I can arrange for them to buy it from you. If you give me a bank account, I will arrange the transaction."

Harry looked at Kran. He didn't want to hand out his account number; it would easily be traced back to him and expose him prematurely. Kran nodded. Just as Harry suspected, someone like the ex-mercenary had several accounts under different names. Kran activated his omnitool and transferred the information to Liara's omnitool. Liara nodded.

"Thank you.", she said. "If you stumble on another artifact like this, could you maybe inform me? I would appreciate it."

"Of course.", said Harry with a smile. "Just give me your contact information and I will send you a message."

"Thank you.", said Liara. "Ah, I forgot with all the excitement, but what's your name?"

"Harry."

"Harry…?"

"Just Harry."

"Well then, _Just Harry_ , just send me a mail and I will tell you where I am. Once again, I can't thank you enough for bringing this to my attention, it will greatly help me with my research. If I can do anything for you, just tell me.", smiled Liara.

"I will take you up on that.", said Harry. "Sadly, we must go now. Until we meet again."

"Yes. Have a nice day."

Harry and Kran left the archives and took a cab to the plaza.

* * *

They soon arrived at the plaza and got ready to take a look around the different booths.

"So, Res wants me to get new parts for the Mako and some weapon upgrades. Any suggestions?", he asked Kran.

"Maybe get some new ammunition? The good upgrades like better gun barrels or armor are expensive, after all.", said Kran. "We should buy something that deals extra damage to organics. As much Geth we fight, we will have a fair share of run-ins with pirates and the like. Poisoned bullets are a great addition to our arsenal."

Harry nodded. "Yes, that sounds good and affordable. We need four sets, one for each of us."

They glanced at the signs on the booths and soon found an arms dealer. Luckily, he had several sets of poisoned bullets to sell, and a few credits lighter they left the booth. A few meters down they found someone selling parts for different vehicles and ships, but they were too expensive. Deciding to come back later, they finally took a look around the other stalls. The smallest booth sold several odds and ends. Browsing through its selections in a mix of boredom and interest, Harry was pleasantly surprised to find another object gleaming with magic. It was a small book with the inviting words "DON'T PANIC" printed on the front in big, bold letters.

"Gotta buy this.", said Harry, practically salivating. Hoping it would contain more spells than the disappointing find he made just a day ago, he bought it. He turned it around to read the blurb.

" _The Wizard's Guide to the Galaxy_

 _or_

 _How to survive in a new world"_

Harry scoffed. He had expected more, but the price had only been forty-two credits, so he should have expected it. He opened it and started to read as they were walking back to the ship. Spells started to flow in his head, spells he had used in his – theoretical – seventh year, when they'd been on the hunt for Horcruxes. Spells to light a fire, to conjure water, simple wards, and – oddly enough – towel conjuration. In short, the perfect spells for someone who was on the move.

 _Well, at least they are useful. Although, I don't know about the wards. Will a Muggle Repelling Ward work on aliens? Or on biotics users? I have to try it out soon..._

Even after learning the spells, he kept reading. It was a surprisingly interesting book, stuffed with useful information (he wasn't sure when he'd need the details of the best drink in the Afterlife on Omega, but you never know). As they neared the ship, Harry bumped into someone.

"Ah, excuse me.", he said and looked up. He had run straight into a customs agent, who, oddly enough, stood in front of the Headmaster.

"No problem.", said the Asari. "Did you want to board the ship?"

"Why?", asked Harry confused. "Is something wrong with the ship?"

"It simply neglected registering all cargo. We just want to make sure they're not smuggling anything.", explained the agent.

"Oh. As far as I know, it does not carry anything.", said Harry.

"Really?", asked the agent. "Good to know. Still, we'll carry on with the investigation. It's just a routine check."

"...do that.", said Harry. Inside, he was panicking. Word about his companions would get out, and while he trusted Res and Iona to act inconspicuously, Freud and Taxidermy were a huge problem. Before he could say anything else, the agent received a message and boarded the ship, followed by an anxious Harry and Kran.

"Did you find anything?", asked the customs agent another Asari in uniform.

"Human crew, an Asari, a Quarian, a broken Mako, a strange statue and a...VI? I guess.", said the other agent.

"A strange statue and a VI?", asked the first agent confused. "What does that mean?"

"Well, in the cargo bay was a statue in a suit with a head made of...animal parts? It looked rather disturbing and lifelike. We scanned it, and it wasn't used as a hiding place for anything, so it checks out. The VI however...it doesn't really look like a hologram. And while it does give appropriate answers, it's more like something alive."

"Alive? Maybe...an AI? Or even an unshackled AI? Those are highly illegal!"

"I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding.", said Harry, trying to downplay the situation.

"Oh no, it's too suspicious.", said the customs agent. "I will take a look at this VI myself."

Harry and both agents walked to the bridge, where Freud was floating around. The ghost looked bored and didn't move a muscle.

"Who designs a VI to look like an old human? That's creepy. Anyway, let's take a closer look. Identify yourself."

"I'm the ships VI, designation Freud.", said Freud in a monotone.

"Who designed you?", asked the Asari.

"I was programmed by FUTSI Corporation.", said Freud.

"FUTSI? Never heard of them."

"I have looked them up. Small human business.", said the other agent.

"If you say so. Have you done the usual questioning regarding the sentience of a VI/AI?", asked the Asari her colleague.

"Yes. He did answer those as expected of a VI."

"Hm...not much we can do then. As suspicious as this Freud VI is, it seems to be just a VI in the end. We're done here."

The two Asari left the ship and Harry let go the breath he'd been holding in.

"That was _way_ too close.", he said. "Off to Omega we go."

 **A/N: That's it. Not satisfied with the ending myself, will probably change it a little in the future, once I get it right.**

 **Thumbs up to anyone who knows the FUTSI Corporation.**

 **I will need to introduce a new character in a few chapters; darer1992 suggested some awesome ideas. I will put up a poll, choose one of them.**


	6. Omake I

**A/N: First omake! It's a crossover with one of my favorite anime, _Restaurant in another World_! It is one of the few I watch nowadays, apart from Overlord and occasionally something lighthearted and funny.**

 **For those of you who don't know what the anime is about, it's about people finding a magic door that leads them to a restaurant in Japan. It might seem boring to some, but this story will really just be them eating something and making a few friends.**

 **I don't know if it will be canon to the main story, probably not.**

 **Installed some new mods and got addicted to Skyrim again…**

 **Also, listening to the music I heard in my youth. Kreator's "Enemy of God" album is still as awesome as ever.**

 **I'm writing this omake at the same time as chapter 4, and will as usual be too lazy to change something in the AN, if there is something I should probably rewrite. Enjoy!**

The crew of the Headmaster was baffled. They had landed on a remote planet to raid a pirate base – as usual, they needed money, and they were doing a righteous thing, stealing from the bad and giving to the poor (namely, themselves) – but what they found was truly confusing. The pirates had fought back with surprising fervor; not the usual struggle for life and death, but as if there was something greater.

"So...that's it?" asked Harry confused. In his hand he held a small bag of gold coins. They looked nice and shiny, and definitely would make a pretty penny, but it wasn't enough to fight that hard. "All this resistance for a lousy bag of gold? This is less than they would make off a medium-sized freighter!"

The others nodded. Everyone had enough experience with piracy and criminal activities that they knew the value of such items; everyone except Freud, that is. What little he knew was outdated by centuries.

"There must be something more." contemplated Iona. "Probably small, since we must have overlooked it."

"Well, good luck finding it." grumbled Kran. "I'm not looking; I shoot things, not crouch down and look for some credits."

"It should be around here." said Harry. "I mean, this is the last room of the base. If you'd hide something, it would be here, right?"

"Yup." said Res. "But I scanned the room and found no hidden caches. I can't look through walls, of course...wait, that's it!"

"What?" asked Iona.

"Freud is a ghost, right?" asked Res enthusiastically.

"Yes, I am pretty sure we established that long ago." said Harry. "Not like you believed me, but he is in fact a ghost."

"Ghosts are intangible, so he should be able to pass through the walls and look for us!" declared Res with an unseen smile. Everyone stared at her. "What?"

"Nothing." said Iona. "It's just...why didn't we think of that sooner? It would hae made life so much easier!"

"I would prefer it if my existence would be appreciated for more than just being a tool to look through walls." said Freud miffed. Kran let out a bellowing laugh.

"You're a great doctor! Now, look through the walls."

Muttering curses and glancing miserably at the others, Freud proceeded to enter the wall. Moments later, he reappeared.

"There is a room hidden behind this wall." he confirmed.

"How do we access it?" asked Kran impatiently.

"I don't know, do I look like an engineer to you?" asked Freud sarcastically.

"Sheesh, calm down, calm down." said Harry. "Well, let's see...there must be some kind of lever or button."

* * *

After spending twenty minutes on searching for the elusive opening mechanism, everyone was angry.

"Damn it! Where is this fucking thing?!" yelled Res and hit the wall in frustration. With a loud creek, the wall turned and gave way. "Oh."

Staring dumbfounded at the room in front of them, they started to walk in. It was a small cave, with a door standing in the middle of the room.

"Is...is that a door?" asked Harry confused.

"...yes." said Iona, staring at it. "A wooden door that leads to nowhere. Wait, there's a sign. 'Western Restaurant Nekoya'. What the hell?"

"A door that was worth dying for?" asked Kran. "That seems so stupid."

"What now?"

"I would suggest we open it." said Taxidermy. "It's what you do with doors."

The rest of the ground team stared at him. Shrugging their glares off, he walked to the door and opened it. A light shone from within the frame and they could hear merry chatter.

"Are you coming?" asked Taxidermy before entering. Holding their weapons up high, the rest entered. Once inside, they realized that indeed, they were in a restaurant. It was small and homely, with wooden floors. Several empty tables were placed in an orderly fashion. The few guests seemed as otherworldly as the door itself; a lionman, a lizardman, several humans. A girl in maid uniform walked towards them.

"Welcome to the Nekoya! My name is Aletta, and I'm the waitress! Please take a seat, I'll bring the menu right away." she said in a chipper tone. Nodding curiously, everyone took a seat.

"Are those _horns_?" whispered Iona, looking at Aletta's head.

"Scratch that, what are those people? Genetic experiments? Undiscovered species?" whispered Res back. Before anyone could comment on that, Aletta had come back with several menus. She distributed them.

"Excuse me, but where are we?" asked Taxidermy.

"This is the Nekoya, also known as the Restaurant from another world! Once every seven days, on the day of Saturn, doors appear throughout the continent which lead to this restaurant." said Aletta with a smile. "Although, I have never seen people like you. Your armor looks all funny and stuff."

"What continent?" asked Harry. "This planet looked pretty barren."

"Eh? You're not from the continent?" asked Aletta shocked.

"What is it, Aletta?" said a male voice from the kitchen counter. "Are there any problems?"

"Uhm, they say they are not from the continent!" yelled Aletta back. Everyone turned around and looked at them. Furious whispers started.

"Really? Let me have a look then." said the voice. A man in his thirties, wearing a chefs uniform, walked up to them. "Oh, really, I have never seen someone like you before! Ah, excuse me, I am the owner and chef."

"Uhm, I am Harry. This is Iona, Res'Tara, Kran, Taxidermy and Freud." said Harry and pointed at everyone.

"Freud? Like the doctor?" asked the chef.

"Hah! He knows me!" preened Freud.

"Aren't you dead?" asked the chef.

"I am a ghost." deadpanned Freud.

"Indeed, you do look like one. Strange, I never knew that you passed onto the other world."

"But I didn't?" said Freud confused.

"Then where are you from?" asked the chef.

"England." said Harry.

"Tuchanka." grunted Kran.

"The Flotilla." said Res.

"Thessia." said Iona.

"Somewhere beyond the realm of the living." said Taxidermy.

"England?!" said the chef confused. "But this door only connects to the other world! And...are those _guns_?!"

"Of course. What else?" said Kran confused.

"And they look so strange! Like something out of a sci-fi movie." said the chef dumbfounded.

"Well, it's the 22nd century, is it not?" said Harry.

"It's the 21st!"

"Wait." interrupted Harry. "Did we just simultaneously travel through time and dimensions?"

"This restaurant is in Tokyo, and it's 2015 right now." confirmed the chef.

"Oh."

"Anyway, anything you want to drink?"

"Beer." said Harry.

"Do you have anything I can eat with my suit on?" asked Res.

"Eh?" asked the chef. "You can't take it off?"

"No." said Res. "I guess I won't order anything then."

"Beer." grunted Kran.

"I'll have a water, please." said Iona.

"I have no need for sustenance." said Taxidermy.

"So...three beer. Have you decided on food yet?"

"Pasta." said Harry.

"Shrimp." added Iona.

"Something big. Also, lots of meat." said Kran.

"Alright." said the chef and left.

* * *

"Okay, that is just plain strange." said Iona. "I mean, a lot of weird shit happened to us, but this? Yeah, feels like a few too many drinks in the Afterlife."

"Considering our track record, it is not outside the norm. I mean, name one time when everything went smoothly." commented Res. Iona didn't follow up on that. "See what I mean?"

"I'm more concerned about Freud though." said Harry. "From the 19th century to the 22nd and then the 21st in a different universe, coupled with some weird other world? He is freaking out, just look at him."

Freud was gliding around the restaurant, bothering people with questions and occasionally snide remarks.

"You're right." sighed Iona. "Oi Freud! Get back here!"

After some casual banter – everyone was too weirded out to really focus on their situation – the food and drinks arrived. Eating in silence, they enjoyed the food. After they had finished, the ordered more drinks.

"That was delicious." smiled Harry. In the meantime, other guests had started to arrive. Two winged children, fairies, several humans, it was an interesting mix. "We should eat here again."

Iona and Kran nodded. Res just looked as peeved as she could under her mask; she couldn't eat nor drink here, so she mostly sat around and looked at the people.

"Time to go. Check please!"

* * *

After paying with the gold coins they had found in the pirate base, they walked through the door and found themselves back in the cave. As soon as everyone had passed through the door, it disappeared in a shower of light.

"Kinda feels like a dream." said Iona. Harry nodded.

"Yeah." He smiled and looked at the now empty space. "We're totally coming back though."

 **A/N: Short omake. Not my best work, but turns out it is a pretty hard crossover to write. Next chapter will be online today or tomorrow, after that I'm back to my usual schedule.**


	7. These boots are made for smuggling

**A/N: Fifth chapter! Omake was posted, as promised.**

 **I received a review that pointed out various flaws in the story, which I did overlook. Many thanks for that, I will try to clear those up. Unfortunately, as it was a guest review, I could not reply in person, which I do like, since I won't reply to guest reviews in the AN (except for things that need to be addressed). In this case, the Wingardium Leviosa bit was meant as a joke; his first spell being something that could easily be done by biotics. In the last chapter he learned several useful spells.**

 **Anyway, I'll do my best to fix the mistakes; once again, he (she?) pointed out various glaring errors. Will be hard to do that without changing too much at once.**

 **Haven't been following my schedule because of university and therapy. Next week I'll return to the old schedule though (one chapter a week). Enjoy!**

" _No reason to get excited_

 _the thief, he kindly spoke_

 _there are many here among us_

 _who feel that life is but a joke"_

 _\- Jimi Hendrix, All Along The Watchtower (Bob Dylan Cover)_

Having set course to Omega, everyone met up to plan out their next steps.

"So, Omega. We need money. We need more resources. To be frank, we need a job." said Harry. "I'm open to suggestions."

"There is a lot of money to be made on Omega. Mercenary work, smuggling, the occasional assassination, trading with goods of questionable origin – no shortage of work, really." said Iona.

"Great." nodded Harry. "Has anyone here ever worked on Omega?"

"Of course." grunted Kran.

"Frequently." said Res.

"Once or twice." said Iona.

"Perfect. So you know where to get a job."

"Sure. Depends on what you want to do." said Iona.

"Mercenary work is a no-no, for now. We need everyone, and Kran just isn't reliable enough. Also, Kran, as much as you dislike it – mandatory therapy for you. Freud, after this is over, do your thing."

Freud bristled at the term, but nodded. "I look forward to working with you, Kran."

Kran just grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like an insult.

"We don't have anything to sell, and I don't know where we could find any goods to sell anyway. So, smuggling it is." said Harry. "Who do we have to talk to?"

"Aria." Iona, Res and Kran said simultaneously.

"Aria?" asked Harry.

"Aria T'Loak. Asari. The ruler of Omega, as far as this shithole can be ruled anyway." explained Iona. "The only law on Omega is that you don't fuck with Aria. Every single job has to be approved by her anyway."

"So we will meet with Aria..." said Harry, thinking of his next move.

"More likely her lieutenant." commented Iona. "A bunch of dysfunctional lunatics won't get close to her – not like anyone else does, either. Except for a few select people like that one Krogan, no one meets her face to face."

"Okay, so as soon as we land we meet with whoever is responsible and ask for a job. What amount of money are we looking at?"

"Not that much. Expenses will easily be covered and we should have some money left for upgrades and stuff." said Res. "If we do several more, we will be paid more, of course. But right now, we're a blank slate with nothing to our name. On the one hand, we get paid less; on the other, we are less likely to be scrutinized by any government related ships."

"Good, good..." said Harry. "Anything else I need to know?"

"Well, you don't butt heads with Aria, humans better not order drinks in the Afterlife, always have your weapon at the ready." said Iona.

"Afterlife?" asked Harry confused.

"Aria's base. Famous club, lots of alcohol, Asari dancers and tons of inebriated guns for hire." grunted Kran. "Nice place."

"Really?", asked Harry intrigued. "Right up your alley, eh?"

"Somewhat.", confirmed Kran.

"Then I'd suggest you join us when we dock. I would also like Iona and Res to come with."

"Sure.", said Iona. Res simply nodded.

"Great! We will decide the rest later on.", said Harry, ending the meeting.

* * *

Since he still had a few hours time until arrival, Harry decided to try his new powers. As far as he knew, he had re-learned the spells he knew up til the final battle with Voldemort. A lot of them were not exactly useless, but had no real practical application; others though would be a great asset, namely his battle magic. He still had to test them against shielding – which he would have to do carefully, as he most certainly did not want to seriously hurt somebody – but he was hopeful that it would be just as effective as usual. Another set of spells he was intensely curious about was wards. Harry only knew a few basic wards – for now – but those would be of great use; he was sure they would work against normal people, and most likely biotics users too.

However, before he could start his various tests, he decided to call upon Death once again. One thing he and every other wizard or witch stemming from the muggle world had learned early on was that magic and electronics usually resulted in said electronics to fail or blow up. Of course there were enchanted objects – wizarding radios or vehicles (although those never had been enchanted legally), but most electronics failed spectacularly. Considering he was on a space ship, he didn't want to destroy any machinery; life support systems failing would be more than just uncomfortable, after all.

Harry entered his cabin and was greeted by Iona. Asking her nicely to leave, he waited until he heard the elevator doors closed. He locked the door and stood in front of the mirror. Writing the now familiar code – phone number? – on the glass and leaving some smudges he waited a short moment for Death to appear.

"Master.", said the now familiar voice, as Death materialized next to him.

"Death.", greeted Harry. "I have a few questions."

"Of course.", said Death with a nod. "Ask away."

"I recently regained more spells, as you probably know. However, I don't know how to correctly use them. Do they interfere with electronics? What about shielding, biotic or electronic? Do they work on everyone?"

"Ah, yes, I hadn't told you...", mused Death. "Very well. As you probably have noticed by now, you can use wandless magic."

"I...actually haven't. I did not try any spellwork whatsoever so far.", said Harry.

"Oh. As I was saying, you can now use wandless magic – or are more proficient at it and no longer reliant on a wand. Wandless magic can be accidental magic after all, or...", started Death.

"Yes, thank you; but I don't want a lecture on the nature of magic, I want my questions answered.", said Harry, slightly irritated. Death coughed.

 _How does he do that without a throat or lungs?_ , thought Harry confused. Death proceeded with his explanantion.

"Simply put, you don't need a wand. Of course, for more delicate spellwork you should use the Elder Wand, which you can bring forth – and dismiss – with naught but a thought. Try it."

Harry concentrated and pictured the Elder Wand in his mind and felt the smooth sensation of wood in his hand. "Does this apply to the other hallows, too?"

"Yes. And in case you're wondering, the Cloak can't be seen through by technical means. Anyway, magic won't interact with technology – you can throw around spells as much as you want.", confirmed Death. Harry grinned; his job had become much easier.

"Spells do bypass electronic shielding, but can be blocked by biotics, which might result in the mutual annihilation of both energies."

"Violently?"

"Oh yes. Big boom.", said Death, sounding amused. "Most spells should work flawlessly against biotic users, although some races might have innate resistances; Asari may withstand spells like a Confundus or an Imperius. Similarly, you will find it difficult to influence an enraged Krogan. Not sure about Vorcha. They are stupid enough that you can control them easily, but they are also stupid enough to misinterpret things."

"Like a young Dudley?", asked Harry with a grin.

"Like any small child. Well, dense child. Now that you mention it, yes. Like a young Dudley Dursley.", said Death. Harry nodded. He could work with that. "Any other questions?"

"Hm...yes. Do aliens – or everyone else, really – classify as muggles?"

"Ah, thinking of using a Muggle Repellent ward, are you? Biotics or the use of such in close proximity might cause them to fail. It's something you'd have to try."

"I think that should be all. Wait, no. Speaking of Asari, they can use this mind-meld thing, right?"

"Yes. Why? Do you fancy someone?"

"No? But isn't it a little like Legilimancy? Exchange of information and all that jazz?"

"It's joining the nervous system on every level. It is the highest from of intimacy and usual only done with a partner you want to spend all your time with, not a tool for interrogation."

"Oh." Harry paused. "Still, how do Occlumancy and Legilimancy work against Asari?"

"Occlumancy probably won't do anything, but skimming their minds will work. Occlumancy will be a boon against the Reaper Indoctrination, so you should brush up on yours. You're bad enough at it as is.", explained Death. Harry took the jab in good nature; even after the horcrux had left his body it had taken him years to get a working grasp on the – admittedly highly complicated – art of hiding your thoughts and emotions.

"That should have been all.", said Harry. "Thanks."

"Anytime.", said Death and disappeared with out another word.

* * *

Now that Death had answered his questions, Harry was eager to try out his reawakened powers. He looked down on his hand.

" _Lumos_."

With just a whisper his hand started to glow.

 _Nox_., he thought. The light disappeared.

 _Seems like I can cast silently. This will make things much easier._

He started to work on other easy and mundane spells he could so safely, before scaling up. Levitation, banishing, vanishing, conjuration, several charms...all that was left now were wards and battle magic.

 _I need someone to try this on. I can't use the dangerous curses like Reducto or Sectumsempra, but stunning and wards I can do. Wards...let's see. Definitely need Iona for that. She_ is _a biotic. Curses...probably Kran. He can take it, and it's not like there will be any blood._

After deciding on a course of action, Harry left his room and took the elevator down to the storage room. He messaged Kran and Iona to join him; then he called his wand to his hand and flicked it in a circle.

" _Repello Muggletum_ "

He felt magic wash over him and briefly a translucent dome spread over him. A few moments later the Krogan and the Asari entered the room.

"Where is he?", grunted Kran.

"Not here, I guess...strange, he usually is on time.", commented Iona. "But it's not like we know him good enough to be sure he will always be."

Suddenly her omnitool activated. Harry called her.

"Yes?", she said, answering his call.

"Iona, would you be so nice to use a bionic lift next to the big crate in the rear?", said Harry.

"Why? And how do you even know we're here?"

"Just do it."

Iona sighed and used a lift. Nothing happened. "Happy?"

"Yes.", said Harry and ended the call, at the same time canceling the ward.

"Holy –! Cloaking technology?!", yelled Kran.

"Nope.", said Harry with a grin. "Magic."

"Magic.", said Iona skeptically.

"Yup.", confirmed Harry.

"Magic doesn't exist, Harry.", pointed Iona out. In response Harry just pointed at Kran, changing the color of his armor to a bright pink, with neon green highlights.

"What? How?!", yelled Iona.

"Magic.", said Harry with a now slightly obnoxious grin. Iona just gaped at him. Before they could say anything, Kran grabbed Harry and started to shake him.

"Turn it back! Whatever you did, reverse it!", he yelled.

"Okay, okay...jeez, it's just some color."

"It's pink!", yelled Kran.

"Pink isn't such a bad color.", insisted Harry.

"If you combine it with that shade of green? It is. It's a crime against fashion.", commented Iona dryly. "And he stands out on the battlefield. It's like a giant "Shoot Me!" painted on him."

Harry pouted, but reversed the charm with a wave of his hand. "There. Believe me now?"

"...probably."

"We have a ghost on our crew and some bizarre thing that clearly _isn't_ an undiscovered alien life form and you still have doubts?", asked Harry exasperated. Iona shrugged.

"It's a lot to take in.", admitted Kran.

"Fair enough. Now I just have to convince Res."

"By the way, what can you do with your...magic?", asked Kran.

"Theoretically? Anything. But I have to...relearn it? Yes, that is probably an apt description.", explained Harry.

"Convenient.", said Iona.

"I know, right? Now, come help me convince Res. I am sure you can be of assistance..."

* * *

It took them several hours, but they finally reached Omega's orbit – or whatever passed for an orbit; it was an asteroid-based space station, after all. The ship slowed down and got ready for the docking process.

"Ah, Mr. Potter!", greeted Suckmeoff jovially. "We will dock in a few minutes."

"Good, good. I'll tell the others.", answered Harry.

"Alright. Would you like to talk to the officer at the docking bay or should I do that?"

"I think it would be easier for me to do so, since I am the ships owner. He might have some additional messages to pass along.", said Harry. Suckmeoff nodded once and Harry left for the elevator, gathering Iona, Res and Kran.

After the four had met and suited up, they walked to the door.

"Anything I should know before we exit?", asked Harry.

"Not really.", said Kran with a shrug. "It's what you'd expect of a space station full of criminals, people with no perspective and hope, and a combination of the aforementioned. Self-explaining, I'd say."

"Fun.", commented Harry. "No use in delaying the inevitable."

"You don't sound all that enthusiastic about being here.", quipped Res.

"Would you be?", Harry shot back.

"Of course not. But you're the leader, shouldn't you be more...upbeat? Team spirit and all?"

"I am also the only person on this team who didn't have the dubious pleasure of docking here.", said Harry.

"Right. Well, don't get your hopes up.", said Res lightly.

"If I did, right now it went down the drain. Let's just go.", Harry said and opened the door.

They had just walked a few meters away from the door when they were interrupted by a Batarian.

"Halt!", he commanded. "You have to pay the appropriate fees before entering Omega."

"Obviously. How much?"

"A thousand credits docking fee, further two hundred processing fee and three hundred for the registration.", stated the Batarian. Harry just looked at him.

"Of course. Here's my offer: we'll look at the total, have a good laugh, and you give me a discount for being my friend."

"I'm not your friend.", said the Batarian, his hand slowly wandering to his gun.

"A shame.", said Harry. "My friends usually get...donations."

"We do?", asked Kran dubiously. Iona elbowed him. "Ah, yes. We most certainly do."

"You _do_ know that the bribe is already included in the fees?", whispered Res to Harry. "You would most likely pay a lot more!"

"Don't worry, I've got a plan.", Harry reassured her. The Batarian looked at Harry, slightly confused. He seemed to have the same thoughts.

"You're not serious, are you?", he asked.

"My godfather was – no, that joke's horrible.", said Harry. He looked around for cameras, and after confirming that he wouldn't be detected, cast a silent Confundus. "You will let us pass without the bribe."

"I will let you pass without the bribe.", repeated the Batarian in a daze.

"You will forget this conversation."

"I will forget this conversation.", the Batarian said.

"And you will paint your armor in bright, clashing colors.", said Harry with a snicker.

"I will paint my armor in bright, clashing colors.", said the Batarian, sounding like a puppet.

"Right. The fees?", asked Harry.

"One thousand credits.", admitted the Batarian, still looking confused. Harry paid up and the four left the port and entered the station.

"You're devious.", said Iona.

"Just because I told him to paint his armor?", asked Harry; he had found it hilarious.

"You made him forget the conversation. When Aria will question him about us – and she will – he won't be able to say a thing. That will be seen as either incompetence, punished by a beating, or treason – punishable by death. You probably just killed an innocent man.", explained Iona, before adding "Well, not innocent, but you know what I mean."

Harry looked at her, aghast. Before he could walk and attempt any form of damage control, they had arrived at a terminal and had called for a ride. They entered and sped off towards the Afterlife.

* * *

"So, how exactly do we apply for work?", asked Harry. As an Auror he had never really worked undercover – too recognizable, due to his fame – and even the limited experience he had would certainly differ from the underworld of intergalactic civilizations.

"There are always one or two guards that you can ask.", explained Kran. "It's pretty straightforward, none of that cloak and dagger spiel you'll encounter in Citadel space. This station is a criminal hubbub, after all."

"Nice.", said Harry. "Never expected things to be this easy."

"It's Omega.", Kran just said. The vehicle slowed down and came to a halt. They exited and Res pointed to a building with a rather long cue of people.

"The Afterlife.", she said.

"I'd never have guessed.", commented Harry, looking at the huge, flashing neon sign. "Do we have to line up? That Elcor bouncer doesn't seem to let people in, if their reactions are anything to go by."

Indeed, the people waiting in line were looking rather grumpy, some openly complaining.

"No, that one's for the people who actually want to have a night out here. If you're here for business affairs, you waltz right in. Shows confidence. And Aria _does_ know everything that happens on Omega and has posted guards everywhere in this club, so there's no real need to be afraid. Cautious, yes, but not afraid. She can handle assassination attempts by herself. I've seen it happen once; reason why I don't mess around with Asari.", explained Kran.

"Apart from your hemophobia, of course.", said Res.

"It might even have been the trigger.", admitted Kran. "We Krogans see some messed up shit, but _that_..." He shuddered.

"Way to instill confidence.", grumbled Harry, but trudged on. Bypassing the line – and getting shouted at by some of the people – he entered the club. There was a hallway, filled with a few guards and loitering thugs. As they walked towards the second door, some of them started to get up, but after getting a good look at Kran and Iona they backed down; Krogans were dangerous, and an Asari on Omega not dressed like a dancer was bound to have some skills in biotics.

As they entered the club proper, they were immediately surrounded by dancing people of various races. Loud music was pumping, lights were flashing, and the air reeked of sweat and cheap alcohol. After taking a short look around, the four spotted a guard that didn't seem to pay much attention to the crowd.

"That's our guy.", confirmed Kran as Harry gestured to the man – a Turian.

The group walked up to the guard, who nodded once.

"Hello.", said Harry, cringing inwardly. This was probably the worst way to initiate a discussion. The guard just spared him a glance, not deigning to answer verbally. "We're looking for a job."

"Job?", the guard asked. "You?"

"Yes?", answered Harry. "Is there a problem?"

The Turian looked at him flatly for a moment, before answering, his mandibles clicking in a way that could be interpreted as something akin to sarcasm; at least, Harry thought so. He was not an expert in the field of xenobiology, his limited exposure to Turians notwithstanding. "No."

"Good, that's...good.", said Harry lamely. "Do you have any outstanding offers?"

"Do you have any credentials?"

"Erh...no?", answered Harry.

"Hmpf." the Turian made a noise of disdain. "You own a ship?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You can transport some cargo?"

"Easily.", confirmed Harry. Now that he had learned – remembered? – more spells he could cast expansion and feather-weight charms, which would make things a lot easier.

"Well, then I might have a job for you. We need you to deliver some crates of...assorted goods to Nevos. You up for it?", suggested the guard.

"Of course.", said Harry.

"Great. Give me your ships name and we will deliver the crates. Be ready to leave at a moments notice. Oh, and should you lose the cargo – well, I guess I don't need to tell you, right?"

Harry shook his head. Although he wasn't showing it, he was intimidated. "Whom shall I deliver the goods to?"

"The guys delivering the crates will tell you. Now, your ship?"

"It's called the Headmaster, docking bay three."

"Headmaster?", asked the guard skeptically. "Who calls – ah, I've heard stranger names. You better hurry back, I'll send the word to the logistics team."

* * *

As they sat in the air car speeding back to the docking bay, Harry exhaled in relief. "It was easier than I thought, but still..."

"You did well for your first time.", said Kran. "Could've been a lot worse."

"But it wasn't good.", admitted Harry.

"Nah, it was amateurish. They do know what to expect from you now, though. They won't give us anything too important or difficult, but it will definitely pay less.", said Res. "Nothing we can do about that, though."

"You could teach me how to do it right, for once.", suggested Harry.

"It's not that easy.", explained Iona. "It's not as rigid as one might think; terms and code phrases are constantly changing, and every place has its own peculiarities. Slang used on Omega differs from Citadel expressions, and the different races do have their own quirks. Opposite to the languages of times long past, there is no criminal lingua franca; it's more like a pidgin language."

"Yes. Especially the Vorcha – easily the most criminally active race, surpassing the Batarians – can't bother to remember much. The only upside with Vorcha is that they use lots of Bloodpack phrases.", added Res.

"Great.", grumbled Harry.

"We'll get you there.", said Iona. "Someday."

Not long after this discussion they had arrived at the docking bay and walked towards the ship, which had already several people waiting in front of it, surrounded by four crates.

"You're late.", grumbled the leader, a Batarian in grey armor with a scar on his forehead. Harry decided to not comment on it and simply looked at the crates.

"Is that all?", he asked. The Batarian nodded.

"Destination is Astella, recipient the Danuvi Corporation.", said the Batarian. He nodded to his team and they left. Harry activated his omnitool and called the captain.

"Ah, captain...we got some cargo here. Could you please stow it away?"

Shortly thereafter three crew members exited and loaded up the crates. Harry, Kran, Iona and Res entered the ship, heading for the bridge where they were greeted by Suckmeoff.

"Destination Astella, on Nevos.", Harry stated. "I will look after the cargo, if you'll excuse me."

He left for the elevator, and the ship left the station.

* * *

Looking over the four crates, Harry contemplated what to do. They weren't too heavy, so he wouldn't bother with any weight-changing charms; he would, however, definitely use a Notice Me Not ward on them, coupled with a Muggle-Repelling ward. He didn't know what they were shipping – and he didn't want to know, frankly – but he _did_ know that someone finding them would spell trouble. After all, a ship like theirs could easily be stopped by a patrol ship, and they would be scanned when entering Nevos. Calling the Elder Wand to his hand, he started to wave it over the crates in a simple pattern, feeling the magic take hold. Iona, who had followed him down, looked astonished as the crates seemed to disappear.

"I really don't want to believe in this magic stuff, but it sure is useful.", she said after a moment.

"That's nothing.", said Harry proudly. "I don't want to boast or show off –"

"You do.", quipped Iona.

"– but you have seen nothing yet."

"Show me?", asked Iona. Harry looked at her.

"What do you want to see?"

After a lengthy demonstration of his skills, which included conjuring flowers for Iona, changing her skin color and turning various objects into animals, he hit her with a Tickling charm. As both of them doubled over in laughter, one unwillingly, the speaker system activated.

"Mister Potter, if you'd please come to the CIC?", said the slightly distorted voice of Suckmeoff. "We have a...situation."

Reversing the charm, Harry straightened up and wiped away tears of laughter.

"I will get you for this.", swore Iona, though without any malice behind her words.

"I'm sure you will.", said Harry with a crooked grin. Heading for the elevator, he started to think what would classify as a situation. Technical problems, maybe? A patrol heading towards them? Deep in thought he entered the bridge and walked up to the captain.

"What is the problem?", he asked.

"Our scanners have registered an unidentified ship. Out here, they might be pirates.", explained Suckmeoff.

"Anything other that's suspicious about them?"

"They are heading for us and haven't started hailing us yet, which a patrol ship would have done. Civilian or commercial ships would have, too, so it's probably pirates."

"Course of action?", asked Harry. He had been in dangerous and freaky circumstances, but even he hadn't been attacked by pirates so far.

"This ship isn't fast enough to outrun them, so they will board the ship, most likely through the main entrance. They will either shoot us or put slave collars on us; depends if they trade in slaves. We're far enough into Citadel space for trafficking to be dangerous, but still close enough to get to the Hegemony without running into a patrol."

"I don't fancy being shot, and being a slave is certainly unappealing. And losing our new cargo is punished by death. Seems like I have to come up with a plan.", mused Harry. "Call Kran, Iona and Res to the entrance. On second thought, call Freud too."

The captain nodded and Harry briskly strode towards the door. Waiting for a few minutes, everyone had gathered.

"We have encountered a minor hitch in our travel plans.", started Harry. "Pirates, to be precise. Now, how to deal with them?"

"We could fortify this position and shoot everyone trying to board. It is a bottleneck, so that should work out.", suggested Iona.

"It would only take one grenade to take us out, though.", countered Res. "And the walls are sturdy enough to prevent a leak."

"Any other ideas?", asked Harry.

"We could always board them.", suggested Kran with a shrug.

"This sounds...ridiculous.", said Iona.

"Ridiculous enough to work!", exclaimed Harry. "But as you said, it's a bottleneck, so it works both ways. And they do expect resistance, I presume."

"Yeah...it would be best if we would be able to get someone to disrupt them before boarding; that would give us an edge.", said Iona.

"Freud, can't you pass through walls?", asked Harry. "You're a ghost, after all."

"I can.", confirmed Freud. "But I can't fight."

"Your possession abilities?", suggested Harry. Freud shook his head.

"It doesn't really work that way. Taking over the subconscious is possibly, so I can extract information, but that is impossible."

"Damn.", sighed Harry.

"It would've been great to have someone in their midst.", said Iona. "But it's not like I can teleport."

"And Apparition works only if you know how your destination looks like.", sighed Harry.

"Apparition?", asked Res.

"It's like short-range teleportation.", explained Harry.

"Do you need to picture the location, or can you teleport to people, too?", asked Iona cautiously.

"Hm, with a bit of concentration, and a short distance, I could certainly apparate next to someone.", mused Harry.

"So what if Freud uses his ghost powers – is that even an expression? – and boards them as soon as they dock at our ship, and you teleport to him?", said Iona.

"That's...ingenious!", exclaimed Harry.

"But you'd have to take out a rather large group of opponents within a moments notice, and you can't use explosives in such a short range.", critiqued Kran.

"Oh ye of little faith.", smirked Harry. "If I can apparate, do you really think there's no spells to fight with?"

"Spells that work on large groups of enemies?", asked Kran dubiously.

"Oh yes.", said Harry, grin widening. "Might be a little messy, but surely effective."

"And you didn't use them previously because…?", asked Res. She still remembered the raid that ended with a collapsing cave and the gory, sticky mess that had been the rush of Husks and the mold abomination.

"It took some time to remember them.", said Harry with a shrug. "I still don't remember everything, unfortunately."

Kran snorted. "That's why I trust my good old shotgun."

"That you can't use effectively.", quipped Res.

"Don't need to remind me.", said a slightly irate Kran, but Res just shrugged it off.

"Final plan: as soon as we notice them docking us, Freud will enter their ship. I will apparate in and take out the group trying to board and open the door. Iona and Res will join me and we will sweep the ship, with Freud looking around the corners since he can't get shot. Kran will secure the entrance for obvious reasons."

The three aliens and the ghost nodded in agreement. Everyone looked over his weapons and readied themselves. The speakers came to life once again. "Contact in thirty seconds!"

After nodding to each other, they focused on the door, adrenaline rushing through their veins.

* * *

When a slight shaking announced the pirate ship docking, Freud floated through the door. Waiting for roughly five seconds, Harry concentrated on his ghostly companion and spun on his heel. In the blink of an eye he appeared behind a sizable group of criminals; mostly Batarians with the odd Turian and Human mixed in. His weapons were still stowed away so he had both of his hands free, he fired off two Sectumsempra curses, cutting through three pirates. Their cries of pain caused the other pirates to turn around, but Harry had used the time to apparate further down the hallway. He tossed a Confringo into the group, killing another five in an explosion, showering the rest with bits of their comrades. Although they turned around in his direction, only one pirate had the time to fire his weapon. Harry threw up a Protego in hope of blocking the shot, succeeding to do so. Before any pirate could act, he jumped to the side and cast a Reducto with each hand, taking out another two. The remaining group started to panic. Their comrades were killed off by droves in a messy way, and the only thing they saw were flashy lights!

Ignoring the panicked cries and the odd curse, Harry apparated behind the group once more. The pirates hadn't anticipated the move, still too shocked to think properly, and thus were surprised by another Confringo. Having reduced the large group of pirates to just three, Harry slashed down his hand three times, casting a Sectumsempra each time. The pirates fell down, dead. He quickly walked to the door and opened it, hiding behind the frame in the case his team decided to fire. Luckily, they trusted in his abilities and didn't shoot.

"I'm finished, get in here!", he commanded. Iona and Res immediately followed his order and boarded the pirate ship. Seeing the mess he had made – it looked like a new paint job, done in red and black – they exhaled, trying not to retch.

"I'm glad Kran didn't catch a glance.", Res said finally.

"Yeah, if he can't stand small amounts of blood, this would have set him off big time.", said Iona.

"Alright, enough chit chat. Freud, take point. Iona, behind me. Res, you check our six.", ordered Harry. The three complied and set off to cause untold amounts of mayhem.

"If we loot this ship, will we be pirates, too?", asked Res in good humor.

"No, we're the good guys. We will be privateers.", said Harry.

"We're smuggling and you just killed a group of people in a messy and probably excruciatingly painful way.", countered Iona. "I don't really think we're the good guys."

"I am pretty sure I heard someone moan, so I'm not to sure about the killing thing.", contemplated Res. "But chances all of them are dead by now are rather high."

"Psh, we killed _pirates_. This is public service.", argued Harry.

"Not the words I'd use, but if that's what you think.", shrugged Iona, having decided not to think too hard about it; it would be better for her sanity.

"Two enemies ahead.", announced Freud. "Just around this corner."

"Should we take them out silently?", asked Harry.

"I am pretty sure the mess you've made has been noticed already.", said Res. "Let's just shoot them."

Harry nodded to Iona and both hastily turned around the corner, shooting at the pirates. Res had been right, they were clearly waiting for them.

"It's strange that they haven't tried to attack us from the back yet.", said Harry.

"I know this type of ship.", said Res. "This direction leads to the cargo room and the crew bunks, so the boarding crew was probably made up of all of the pirates in those places. The only thing they can do right now is try to stop us from entering the bridge."

"And where's the bridge?", asked Harry.

"Right ahead, behind these locked, incredibly thick blast doors.", answered Res.

"Ah, this would surely stop someone from entering, wouldn't it?", asked Harry with a grin. "That is, if one operates without magic...what's our game plan?"

"You can open the door?", asked Iona.

"Magic.", shrugged Harry.

"This answer is as comforting as it is unsatisfying."

"You'll get used to it.", said Harry lightly. "After I open the door, we can expect some heavy resistance...would the Freud tactic work once more?"

"I don't really know, but they should have seen the trick once, so probably not. We need to take them out quickly and efficiently without causing too much damage."

"I can't turn us invisible, but maybe a Notice Me Not charm will work...they would ignore us long enough to take aim. I can hit two at the same time, maybe more if they're close together.", said Harry. "If it fails, I still can shield us."

"Right, let's do that.", nodded Res.

Harry concentrated and cast the charm three times – it was very difficult without a wand, at least for his first few times – and then walked towards the door. "Get ready. One...two…three. _Alohomora_!"

The doors opened and they entered the bridge. Six pirates had their guns pointed at the door, but didn't fire. Confused by the visible lack of enemies, they didn't fire, until four of them fell to enemy fire. The last two, now that the charm had failed, aimed for Iona and Harry, but the three quickly dispatched them.

"Res, can you look for any other pirate still alive?", asked Harry.

"On it.", said Res and started to use a console. "One other life signature, at the exit door...wait, no. no pirates left."

"Great. Now, how about we complete the crash course in privateering and start looting?"

* * *

They had split up; Harry searched the captains quarters, Iona the crew quarters and Res – with the help of two of their own crew – had started to transport goods from the cargo bay to their own. Although they hadn't taken stock yet, Res seemed pleased. Iona had sent him a message that she had secured a nice amount of credits as well as some weapon mods that weren't accessible on the normal market.

In the captains quarters Harry took a good look around. The captain had apparently been a human; so far he had found a few hundred credits, a nice sniper rifle and a rather large collection of Fornax, that he had subsequently ignored. There were things he never wanted to see, and this list had expanded just from a look on the magazine covers – although he certainly wondered why there were still print magazines available.

He was satisfied with the loot, but he had hoped for something more substantial, like this cool crystal skull next to – wait. He took a closer look, feeling magic ooze from the skull. He carefully picked it up and the knowledge of spells rushed into his head. The object was a good representation of the spells stored inside, as he started to remember several dark curses he had learned over the course of his career. He had the nagging feeling that he still hadn't learned all of his Dark Arts knowledge, but he certainly remembered some of the most important now. The Avada Kedavra could be used in dire situations – killing was never something one should do, but using this course was just nasty on oneself – but other curses could probably used in a creative, if morbid way. After all, there surely were things in this galaxy that couldn't be defeated by normal means.

Now sporting a huge grin, Harry sent Iona and Res a message that he was returning to the Headmaster. He went looking for Suckmeoff, when the captain ran up to him.

"Sir! Another ship has arrived!"

"More pirates?", asked Harry. Although he wasn't particularly exhausted, he didn't fancy another fight right now.

"They are hailing us...it's a Turian patrol!"

"Ah. Shit. Tell everyone to come back to our ship, I have to check on something.", Harry ordered and went to look after the crates he was to ship to Nevos. After scrutinizing them, he saw the charms still holding up. Deciding to play it safe, he cast the same charms on the loot as well as casting feather-weight charms on all the looted crates as well as those four, in case the patrol somehow could check the ships weight and realize that it was too heavy.

"Sir, they sent a message. They want to board us.", announced Suckmeoff as soon as Harry had entered the bridge again.

"Well, disconnect from the pirate ship and let the Turians board.", said Harry. He could only hope that nothing would go wrong.

* * *

A few minutes later several Turians, equipped with heavy armor had entered the Headmaster.

"I'm Captain Avius. Who is the captain of this ship?", asked one of them; he had some extra strips of paint on his shoulder pads, showing off his rank. Suckmeoff stepped forward.

"I am, but he's the owner.", he said, pointing at Harry.

"I see. We came across you connected with the other ship, which was classified as a pirate ship. What happened?", asked the Captain.

"Well, we were minding our own business...", started Harry.

"Doing what?", asked the Turian.

"We want to fly to Nevos, and the Mass Relay is this way.", said Suckmeoff. Captain Avius nodded.

"So, we were minding our own business, when suddenly this ship showed up. They wanted to board us, as we soon realized.", continued Harry where he left off. "Now, me and my crew, we have some fairly strong individuals, so we defended ourselves. The battle has been over for some time, when you came across us."

"Send a shuttle. See if their story checks out.", the Captain said into his omnitool. After fifteen minutes of waiting anxiously, the Captain received a transmission. "Seems like you spoke the truth. Although, from what I've heard, the defense part is a little...understated."

"Aggressive defense.", said Harry. "Works like a charm."

Avius nodded. "Very Turian, this phrase. Excuse us for boarding you, but you might have been smugglers transferring illegal goods from one ship to another."

"No problem, no problem.", said Harry. They waited until the Turian patrol ship had left their sensors, before sighing.

"That was way too close..."

 **A/N: This chapter was brought to you by copious amounts of nicotine and caffeine.**


	8. The end of the beginning

**A/N: The promised weekly update. Finally. I had enough notes for the next three chapters, then I wrote the last and had to toss them all out; story should have improved, I hope.**

 **We still have a poll ongoing.**

 **Omake is finished, will be posted as soon as we reach 200 follows.**

 **Enjoy!**

" _Immer mittendurch_

 _am Ziel vorbei_

 _bis wir voreinander stehen"_

 _\- Sperm8, Feindliches Grün_

Now that the Turian patrol ship had left their sensors, everyone released a sigh. It had been a tense situation, and only by luck they had escaped. Harry, now that the adrenaline was fading, started to plan the next few steps. "Captain, continue our course. Team, we'll meet up in the cargo bay."

Everyone started to move, when Harry realized something. "I don't really know, and at this point I'm afraid to ask, but what the hell has been Taxidermy up to lately?"

As it turned out, he had been "entertaining himself", although he commented that it had been "mind-numbingly boring". Harry didn't dare look further into this statement. He made the concession that Taxidermy would accompany them the next time, provided he could. After mollifying the thing (Harry had given up on guessing his species; he felt that he would be better off not knowing) everyone had gathered and Harry stood up.

"So, we've weathered this storm. The pirates didn't do any damage, we weren't arrested and we even got something out of it. Res, do you know what we acquired?"

"The few crates I scanned so far contain provisions, as well as some weapons. I still have to look through another two though.", said the Quarian.

"What kind of weapons?", asked Kran.

"Mostly pistols. The cheap things. We don't really have any use for them, so we should probably sell them. Should be enough to repair the Mako, I think. The price, that is."

"So we can finally fix up that thing?", Harry asked hopefully.

"Shouldn't be too hard.", said Res with a shrug. "We probably will have to make some concessions, but we Quarians excel at fixing things."

"I'll take your word for it.", said Harry. "Where should we sell them? Omega?"

"The guns can be sold everywhere. No illegal mods, not too expensive, subpar quality...it's the stuff you buy when you want a weapon but don't have a clue what to look for. Nevos would certainly be an option, depending on how long you want to stay there.", said Res.

"Not too long, I just want to drop off our shipment.", frowned Harry.

"Then at our next stop."

"Right. Speaking of the shipment, how exactly do we do that? We have our contact, so do we just contact them?"

"Just send them a message when we're in orbit.", grunted Kran. "They will give us a bay to meet them. We drop the crates off, get our money and leave. Aria gets confirmation of a job well done and will probably hire us again."

"Surprisingly easy. So no shady meetings in a dank alley?"

Kran snorted. "If you don't want the cops or Justicars on your back, certainly not. You might do that on Omega, but only because most of the streets on Omega are dark, dank and narrow."

"Great. Let's see...loot, business...I think that's everything for now. Does anyone have any questions?", said Harry.

"Yeah, where do we go after we finished our job? Did your boss send you a message?", asked Iona, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Not exactly.", admitted Harry. "But we could buy the spare parts for the Mako. And we need another job. Back to Omega, maybe."

"Omega won't have those parts. If there's someone selling, the prices will be exorbitant and the quality bad enough for a Quarian to just toss it.", said Res.

"Well, where do we get cheap, working parts?", asked Harry frustrated.

"I don't know, the Citadel?", said Res.

"Aren't we kinda wanted there? By C-Sec? Because last time, we did start a bar brawl, had a firefight, took away a suspect/witness directly from under their noses and sped away in this very ship.", said Iona. "I do like my freedom, so can't we avoid it?"

"We'll see.", conceded Harry. "If there's no other place, or if something comes up, we unfortunately will have to visit the Citadel."

"Ah, what's the worst that could happen?", asked Kran. Everyone fell silent, before Harry spoke up, summarizing everyone's thought.

"Thanks for jinxing it.", he sighed. "Maybe I should cut your salary for that."

"Ah, yes, our _salary_. You mentioned that one on Omega. Am I to assume that we're getting paid? Because I don't want to get shot at for _no compensation._ ", said Kran.

Harry shrugged. "We looted a pirate ship. Just take what you want. And we did find some credits, so let's split it evenly."

"If we split that by six, it's almost nothing.", frowned Iona.

"Assuming Freud needs money and Taxidermy will find a place where he can spend it without getting picked up by any scientists, yes.", said Harry. "Everyone gets a cut: Kran, Res, Iona and me."

"That's fair.", said Iona with a shrug.

"If I may interrupt...", started Freud.

"No.", said Harry. "Even if it is just on principle, you don't get any money. You don't have any way to spend it."

"Extranet?", said Freud.

"What for – no, don't tell me. Taxidermy, do _you_ want some of the money?"

"Not particularly.", said Taxidermy.

"Perfect. So, a quarter for each of us. That should be fine, for now. Since we will soon enough have the spare parts and we got some free provisions that were _donated_ by those pirates, I think we can split the reward from the next job, too."

* * *

Now that the biggest issues had been sorted out, everyone had departed, mostly to rest. It were still a few hours until arrival. Harry took the elevator to his quarters and went to bed. He was followed shortly by Iona, who was still sleeping on his couch; he didn't mind, as she didn't disturb his sleep or privacy.

After getting a good nights rest – or day, Harry wasn't to sure on that; all this space travel confused him – he went up to the bridge. They would arrive in orbit in just half an hour, so Harry was preparing everything. He looked over the contact details and wrote the message he had to send, including the phrase one of Aria's men had given him; it would tell the recipient of the content of the crates and the validity.

"I just received the clear from our contact.", Harry said after a ping had announced a message on his omnitool. "They'll meet us at docking bay 342."

"Alright.", said Suckmeoff. "Preparing for arrival."

Having said that, he opened a connection to Nevos. "Astella Control, this is the Headmaster. Requesting permission to land."

"This is Astella Control. Reason for visiting?"

Suckmeoff turned around and looked at Harry. "Uhh...help me out here, Kran. You did that before, right?"

"Job interview.", grunted Kran. "Security."

"Astella Control, this is Headmaster. We are here to apply for a job."

"A job?", said the official, sounding incredulously. "Why come in person?"

"It's for a security detail. We need to provide some form of credential, and this is best delivered in person.", said Suckmeoff nervously.

"...very well. Permission granted. Proceed with landing. Enjoy you stay on Nevos. Astella Control out."

"Roger. Headmaster out.", said Suckmeoff and cut the connection. He turned to Harry. "Docking bay 342 you said?"

Harry nodded and the captain flew the ship to the location. After they had docked and lowered the ramp, they were greeted by an Asari, accompanied by several mercenaries; Blue Suns, from the look of their armors.

"You're late.", the Asari said. Harry started to suspect that it was a greeting used to intimidate the smugglers.

"Ran into pirates.", he said with a shrug.

"The delivery?", asked the Asari. Harry pointed at the four crates that were currently brought down the ramp. "Alright."

The Asari went over to the crates, opening them and scanning the contents. After the last one, she nodded. "Everything seems to be in order. I will finish the transaction now, so please give me your account details."

Harry opened his omnitool and sent her the requested information. It was a secure account provided to him by Death at the beginning of his journey. Confirming that he had received the payment, he nodded. "Thank you."

With nothing left to be said, as the job had been finished and no anomalies or disturbances, he walked up the ramp and the Headmaster left Nevos.

* * *

Shortly after they had left Nevos, Harry perused his omnitool to access the extranet to search for the next location to visit; he wasn't particularly inclined to visit the Citadel, so he hoped to find another planet. He had looked over several links, when suddenly a newscast drew his attention. Apparently a Spectre named Saren Arterius had been found to work with Geth – though unconfirmed so far – and the council had tasked Jane Shepard with investigating the circumstances. Remembering the briefing Death had given him when he first had arrived in Limbo, he recognized her as the person he had assist; thus, he made the only choice he had. Opening a channel to every crew member, he announced "Captain, I have decided on our next destination. Take us to the Citadel as soon as you can."

Not long after his announcement the door to his quarters opened and everyone walked in.

"Why do we have to go to the Citadel?", asked Iona. "I've told you what could happen!"

"I'm fine with it, since I can buy the required parts there.", said Res with a shrug. "And I am not on a wanted list."

"Neither are we.", said Harry, slightly irritated, before amending "As far as I know."

"Then _why_ exactly do we need to go to the Citadel?", asked Iona frustrated.

"Hm...I did tell you that we are working for someone else, that we had a mission, right?", began Harry.

"You said that you were working for the 'big man' and that you had to assist someone called Chophard.", said Kran dryly.

"Shepard.", corrected Harry. Kran just shrugged, not particularly caring about the small details. "Did you see the news? If not, you totally should."

After everyone had activated their omnitools and read the article about Saren, they looked at Harry. "So you found this Shepard. Now what?"

"We have to meet her, of course. Talk to her, give her our support in all things Reaper-related."

"Woah, woah, slow down. You want to talk to her? How? Walk up to her and start rambling? She doesn't have any reason to listen or trust you. You are a complete unknown with possibly a hidden agenda. Technically, you even have an agenda.", protested Res. "And I'm still not so sure about this whole Reaper stuff. Never heard of them before."

"If everyone knew, we wouldn't be doing this.", scoffed Harry. "Do you have a better idea? Because in my opinion, we enter the Citadel, Res goes shopping and some of us will take it from there."

"You just want to _improvise_?!", asked Iona incredulously. "When has that ever worked out for us?!"

"We improvised a lot the last few times and it worked out!", protested Harry.

"We were shot at, nearly arrested, covered in bits of mold-monster-gore...need I go on?", said Iona sarcastically.

"...fair enough.", admitted Harry. "Still, nothing else comes to mind."

"Alright, I'm in.", said Res after some deliberation. "But only if you tell us who exactly we're working for."

"I'm stuck with you maniacs.", sighed Iona. "I don't really have a choice, do I? Let's try it."

Kran looked at Harry in contemplation. "Fine. Working with you so far has been better than wasting away."

Harry sighed elated. "Great. Now, you wanted to know who we're working for? It's Death."

"Who calls himself Death?", asked Res with a frown. "It seems...ostentatious."

"He's not calling himself Death.", said Harry. "He _is_ Death. Although I'm not sure about the 'he' part. Probably more of an 'it'."

"That's ridiculous!", said Iona. "Reaper? Death? I feel like I'm in a loony bin!"

"You do remember that I use magic? I distinctly remember showing you...you were certainly intrigued, even smiling.", said Harry with a frown.

"I wasn't smiling voluntarily!", yelled Iona. Harry just grumbled, unwilling to have an argument. He finally stood up and walked to the mirror.

"Fine, fine. I will call him."

"And how does one call Death? I doubt he has a phone.", snickered Res. Harry simply ignored her and wrote on the mirror. Moments later, the familiar figure blurred into existence. Death took a look around.

"What do you need me for?", he finally asked. "I have to work. There is someone waiting for me on Omega."

"There's always someone dying on Omega.", scoffed Kran. Death nodded.

"Indeed. Though this one is interesting. Wears a pretty colorful outfit, that Batarian.", commented Death. Iona glared at Harry, who had a sheepish look on his face. "Again, what do you need?"

"They didn't believe me that you were my boss.", said Harry, sounding a little petulantly. He suddenly realized something. "Oh my God, I sound like Malfoy..."

"Huh? Malfoy?", asked Res confused. "Who's that?"

"Just talking to myself. Now, seeing is believing, right?", said Harry. "Everyone, this is Death. Death, this is everyone."

The three aliens just stared at Harry and Death in disbelief. Although they now knew their employer, it still was a hard concept to grasp.

"So...Citadel?", asked Harry. The three nodded mutely.

* * *

The aftermath of conversation had been subdued; everyone had broken off to mull over their thoughts. Harry was satisfied, as there had been no direct negative reaction. He wasn't too sure about the long run, but they had accepted that they worked for Death. Of course, he didn't factor into it that every race most likely had their own version of Death and thus would react differently, and just because they had accepted his magic abilities it wouldn't do to assume that the shock would pass quickly; still, at first glance the team was still functional. With a bit of luck their mission on the Citadel would turn out a success, and he could further his plans to finish his mission.

The flight to the Citadel didn't take too much time. They arrived after a few hours and Harry gathered his still silent team. "We have arrived. Once again I would like to assemble those who leave and those who stay. Freud and Taxidermy will stay, for obvious reasons. Res, you will sell our stock of guns and buy the parts to repair the Mako. If there's any money left, either buy things you deem necessary or keep it in reserve for later; with our current missions, God knows we'll need it."

"Alright.", Res said with a single nod.

"Good. Kran, what about you? Do you want to come with?", asked Harry. Kran shook his head.

"I'm playing it safe. I looked over the public records and we're not wanted – at least, we're not in the _public_ records. But they booked me before you came along and I already have an open file."

"Hm...alright. Iona and I will take a look around then. Any questions? Or requests?"

"I could use some better armor.", mused Kran. "Mine's pretty beat up after years of use, and I should have enough money for a new one. If you see good Krogan armor, please get me a set. Here are the details of my current ones."

After receiving the data package from Kran, Harry nodded and turned to Iona and Res. "Let's go."

They left the ship and split up; Res towards the market district, Iona and Harry to the lower wards.

"If we want a job that suits our needs, we probably should look out for people hiring in Chora's Den. Everywhere else we will only get offers that take several weeks or months to complete.", said Iona.

"Think they remember us?", asked Harry nervously.

"Fist probably will, but as long as you don't start anything, they should leave us alone. Wouldn't be the first time someone came back after starting a fight there."

"We didn't start a fight, we just killed several mercenaries hired by him and then threatened to kill him.", corrected Harry. "Which might even be worse."

"Eh. He should know not to screw over customers. He just did it because you were obviously rookies and he thought he would get away with it. And we don't have to talk to him; there are usually people hiring sitting at one of the tables.", said Iona. "By the way, any idea how to contact Shepard?"

"She is probably still running her investigation into Saren. C-Sec might know, but we can't talk to them. We could also begin our own investigation, which would lead to us crossing ways, but that would take too long. Getting a new job comes first.", decided Harry.

"Never thought I'd become a mercenary.", said Iona out of the blue.

"Eh?", asked Harry, a little confused.

"What we've been doing so far is mercenary work, in the broadest definition. When I grew up I never wanted to do that."

"What _did_ you want to do then?"

"I wanted to be a cook. Own a restaurant. Maybe have one or two daughters. Pretty average. Still would like to be a chef; I'm pretty decent at cooking, actually.", said Iona.

"Really? Then why do we still eat those shitty provisions?!", asked Harry agitated.

"You could always have asked."

"I didn't know! I would have asked you otherwise.", said Harry.

"Fine, fine...it's not like I can cook up a dish without fresh ingredients anyway. And you're either too cheap to buy them, or too poor."

"Were too poor. We do have some leeway on how to spend our money now. I'll send Res a message to buy some food; you're our chief cook now."

"I'll write the list. Considering when you first arrived here, you probably have no idea what to eat.", said Iona dryly and started writing a shopping list on her omnitool. After a minute she sent the list to Res, who – after Harry had confirmed that yes, Iona would be the cook from now on – promised to procure everything.

A few minutes of walking later, the duo once again entered Chora's Den, where they'd originally met. They took a quick look around, but couldn't immediately spot a recruiter. Heading for the bar, they each bought a drink and sat down in the far end of the room.

"So, are the recruiters here anything like those on Omega?", asked Harry intrigued.

"Pretty much. If we didn't see anyone now, there will probably be one soon.", said Iona in a relaxed tone. She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, chaos broke out and shots were fired.

* * *

As soon as Harry had heard the first shot, he flipped the table and took cover behind it, Iona by his side. "What the hell?!"

He took a quick look around; there were several people at the entrance that were being shot at by the other guests. He turned to Iona. "What do we do?!"

"The patrons are definitely the bad guys!", yelled Iona. "But the other party could be on our side, neutral or just other criminals. Best we can do is not engaging."

Several shots pinged against the table, one penetrating it and bouncing off from the wall behind them. Iona frowned and pulled out her assault rifle. "Apparently they think we're their scouts..."

She took aim and shot one of the patrons; similarly, Harry took out his gun and started firing too. Combined with the newcomers, they had finished off everyone else pretty quickly. After silence had fell over the premise – now newly decorated with bullet holes and corpses – Harry stood up slowly, so he wouldn't be mistaken for a hostile. "Bloody hell! Who did just – Shepard?!"

He and Iona were both astonished to see Jane Shepard, accompanied by a Krogan and a C-Sec officer standing in the door.

"Do we know each other?", asked Shepard, sounding slightly irritated; she still held her weapon, but didn't aim at either Harry or Iona. Harry shook his head.

"No, but I know you. You are all over the news.", he explained as an afterthought. Shepard shrugged.

"True. So, who are you and what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm Harry. This is Iona. Pleased to meet you.", said Harry. "We were looking for some work, but any possible employer just bit the dust, as it seems."

"Sorry, I think.", Shepard said dryly. She obviously did not care for either of them; Harry tried to further push the conversation.

"And what are you doing here?", he asked. "If you don't mind telling me."

"I'm investigating Saren. I have to find evidence of his deeds."

"The Geth attack?"

"Yeah. The council thinks that a single attack and a vision aren't enough to revoke his status as a Spectre.", explained Shepard.

"Vision?", asked Harry confused. "What vision?"

Shepard looked annoyed. "That's not important. We need to see Fist."

"He's probably still in the backroom.", said Harry. "Now, what vision?"

"Look, it's not –" Shepard sighed. "There was an artifact, Prothean. A beacon I think. I got to close to it, and saw things. A war. Giant machines like I've never seen before. Almost like organics."

"That certainly sounds disconcerting.", said Harry honestly. "I think I've heard of this before."

"Well, if you remember, send me a message. You should be able to reach me via the embassy. Now, I _really_ have to talk to Fist. Clock's ticking.", said Shepard, fidgeting. Harry nodded.

"Alright, alright. See you around, I guess. Iona, we're leaving." Harry and Iona strode out of Chora's Den.

"Why do we always get into fights when we're at bar?", was the last thing Shepard heard when the duo had left.

* * *

Iona and Harry, still looking for a job, had received a message from Res. She had finished the shopping; she would begin the repairs on the Mako immediately. Iona was pleased to note that she also had been able all the foodstuffs she needed.

"Seems like we can leave as soon as we found something.", said Harry with a smile.

"Probably good, since we once again were in a fight. In Chora's Den. In front of a C-Sec officer. Is it just me or are things getting _worse_?", asked Iona exasperated.

"In general? Or just on the Citadel?"

"Either."

"We didn't get on a fight on Omega and Nevos."

"You accidentally killed a Batarian on Omega, and you just had to drop of some crates, which is pretty hard to fuck up."

"Fair enough. And on the Citadel? We've been here twice, that's really not enough for a pattern to emerge.", scoffed Harry.

"With how things are progressing, it's a wonder nothing worse happened.", sighed Iona. "Yet."

Harry deigned to ignore her barb. He did suffer from the often cited "Potter Luck", which manifested in persevering and succeeding against incredible odds – which he got into because of his luck.

"Let's just look elsewhere. They probably have a ward where all the offices are located and stuff, right?"

"I'll take you there.", sighed Iona. "With how big this place is, there will be some job we can apply for."

After two hours of searching, they did indeed get a job; the pay was average, and it would begin in two weeks, but nevertheless, it was a job. A company called ExoGeni had been on the lookout for a team of people to guard colonists and researchers on the planet of Feros. The job was open-ended, but they could quit anytime. They had to agree to several secrecy guidelines, but it was acceptable. After reaching an agreement, they signed the contract and left for the Headmaster.

* * *

They left the Citadel as soon as they had arrived the Headmaster; they had finished the assigned tasks, and had nothing left to do. Considering they had once again been in a fight, they didn't want to risk any kind of inquiry. As was custom by now, Harry gathered his team. "Please report, Res."

"I sold the guns, as you told me. They didn't fetch that much, but together with a little extra from our job we did for Aria, I was able to get the spare parts and the food. Unfortunately, I did not see anyone selling armor that would fit Kran. I can start the repairs immediately; it will take two, maybe three days."

"Great! For those that weren't with us on the Citadel: Iona is now chief cook. Personally, I am happy that we'll finally have something that doesn't just resemble food. Iona and I got us hired by ExoGeni; protection detail on Feros. We have to be there in two weeks, so we'll probably take a look around in the vicinity. With a dash of luck, we might find something interesting and or valuable.", said Harry.

"And risk our lives for it.", grunted Kran.

"Why yes!", Harry said faux-happily. "Wouldn't have it any other way. While our trip was more or less unremarkable – except for one fight – we did meet Shepard, so there's that."

"What?", asked Kran.

"We met Shepard. Why?"

"No no, what you said before that. Something about a fight."

"There was a minor disagreement between Shepard and the guests at Chora's Den and we got somehow involved in it.", admitted Harry. "We didn't start it though, so we should be in the clear."

Kran gaped for a moment, before shaking his head and grumbling something.

"That should have been everything. We can discuss things further, if you'd like, but I want a shower and some sleep, so – ta!", Harry said jovially and left.

 **A/N: Chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be, but withing my estimates. Coming up: the Feros arc.**


	9. Omake II

**A/N: Once again, short omake. This time, let's celebrate 200 followers! This omake is written at the same time/prior to chapter 7, so there may be some differences in the notes.**

 **This time, let's have some fun reading transcripts from the first therapy sessions. As usual, enjoy!**

As Harry had ordered, Kran had to attend therapy; the Krogan was not looking forward to it, although he did feel a little more mellow since Freud somehow had convinced (ordered) everyone to attend. Freud had taken over Harry's and Iona's quarters, as "there was a couch", as he had put it. With a sigh, he exited the elevator and walked into the room. Freud was sitting in a chair, opposite of the couch.

"Have a seat.", he just said. Kran grunted and flopped down on the couch. "Now, I will ask you a few questions. They might seem a little invasive, but you don't have to answer. Are you alright with that?"

"Yeah."

"Excellent. Now...what can you tell me about your childhood? Were there any extenuating circumstances or the like?"

"I was born on Tuchanka. Grew up, got into fights, did the Rite of Passage, killed some Krogans and loads of varren...the usual."

"So there was nothing that stood out? Mother, father, family?", asked Freud.

"No, regular Krogan upbringing.", confirmed Kran.

"Let's move on.", said Freud after scribbling down some notes on a transparent notepad. "I think it would be a good time to move on to your dreams."

"What I dream of?"

"No, what you dream _about_. Any recurring dreams at night?", asked Freud.

"Well...there is this one dream..."

"Go on.", urged Freud.

"I'm...fighting. Shooting. Killing."

"Who are you fighting?"

Kran simply shrugged, followed by a pensive look. "I don't know. People? Sometimes it's Krogans, other times Turians...different races."

"And the dream, does it stay the same, apart from the opponents?"

"Same pattern.", said Kran. "I am in a place I don't know, killing people."

"And your phobia, is it surfacing?"

"No...my blood, it's singing. I feel like a Krogan. I do as we do. I fight. I kill. I win."

"Interesting, interesting...anything else?", asked Freud. Kran shook his head. "Thank you. You may go, please send the next one in. Ah, but I'd like to speak with you on a regular basis. After missions, perhaps?"

Kran nodded and left. A minute later the doors opened and Res walked in.

"Hello, Freud."

"Good to see you, Res. Now, I am going to ask you a few questions. If you don't want to answer, that's fine."

Res nodded and sat down. "Alright."

"Did you experience any problems so far, of the mental kind? Nightmares, flashbacks and the like?"

"No."

"You're missing limbs; is that in any way influencing you?"

"Oh, certainly."

"Aha, aha...how? Phantom pains? A feeling of loss? Maybe disgust or a general feeling of revulsion of missing something integral and being different?", pried Freud.

"Erh...no? I actually am pretty proud of it; I mean, they're better than my original limbs, and I made them myself, with minimal resources in a pinch! And I even used Geth materials!", laughed Res.

"Hm.", said Freud. He fell silent for a moment. "That is certainly impressive. But how about the Flotilla? Do you feel like an outcast? Not wanted?"

"I feel pissed that some narrow-minded people kicked me out for being inventive and different. But I don't hate them.", said Res after a moment. "But I think that's pretty normal."

Freud nodded. "Thank you for your cooperation. Please send in Iona."

* * *

Just moments after Res had left, Iona strode in.

"I don't really want to be here, you know?", she said in lieu of a greeting.

"Ah, but it won't hurt. You don't have to answer my questions, and if you're alright, you won't need to come back. It is naught but an evaluation.", said Freud with a smile.

"Okay. Ask away.", said Iona after a huff.

"Very well. You are an Ardat-Yakshi, am I right?"

"Yes."

"When did that manifest? How did you find out?"

"It was rather early on. Early for an Asari, that is. The condition is difficult to spot, it's discovered only after maturing. It more common than one would think, but the severe case are rare. I am such a case."

"How did that influence you?"

"Well, it's a shock. You can't procreate, ever. A meld will kill the partner. it's addictive. You have to choose between seclusion or execution.", Iona said bitterly.

"You chose neither.", commented Freud.

"Indeed.", said Iona wistfully. "Instead I ran. I have avoided the notice of any Justicar so far; I am a risk, but I reign my urges in. I don't want to be like this! But I also don't want to waste away in a monastery, together with other hopeless, broken Asari."

"You felt caged and alone, didn't you?", said Freud.

"Yeah.", confirmed Iona and began to sniffle. "Not only that. Your freedom is taken away...you might die..."

Freud nodded, letting her go on. She had some baggage, but soon she'd be finished explaining.

"...no friends, they all left..."

"...on the run, no time to relax...the jobs are terrible..."

"...and the conditions..."

"...and then they didn't even pay me!..."

Freud looked at the clock on the wall. She had been going on like this for fifteen minutes now; about halfway through, her mood had turned from somber to irate.

"Thank you for telling me this, but –", began Freud, but Iona didn't stop. She kept ranting. With a sigh, he left to search for Harry. Floating through the door, he noticed him leaning against the wall, waiting for his session.

"Ah, Harry. If you could please remove Iona from the room so we could start? I don't have the necessary...capacities."

Harry nodded and opened the door; Iona was still talking, not noticing that she had been alone. After trying to get her attention – and failing – Harry took her by her shoulders and gently ushered her out of the room. Closing the door, he sat back down.

"I am pretty sure that I don't need therapy, Freud.", he said skepitcally.

"As I told the others, you don't have to answer and maybe you won't need it. That we want to determine, that's why you are here today.", Freud said. "How are you coping?"

"Coping? With what?", asked Harry confused.

"You have died and entered a different universe, without magic, completely different technology, races and history. You have been tasked by one of the mightiest entities to help a person fight a group of things that want to destroy all life. I think it's a fair question.", explained Freud.

"Oh. And here I thought you'd ask me something about my mother.", said Harry. Freud ignored the barb. "Well, I guess it's working out? It is not the first time I have been in such a situation, you know? My youth was pretty messed up too. At least this time I know what I have to do from the beginning. And I don't have to be the hero, I have to support the hero."

"That's good to hear. Now, how about we talk about...your mother?", asked Freud, needling him. However, against his expectation, Harry did not rise to the bait, no he fell for it, hook, line and sinker.

"Alright Freud, I told you!", yelled Harry, jumping up. "We're not talking about this!"

He stormed off in a manner Harry himself would have compared to Lucius Malfoy. Freud looked at his back; the door slid open, and before they closed again, all he could hear were Harry's angry stomps and a still ranting Iona.

"He just can't take a joke...", grumbled Freud, looking down at the few notes he made during his interview with Harry. "Let's see...diagnosis: asshole."

 **A/N: It's short. It isn't outstanding. It's not that funny. But, I included a nice Easter egg.**


End file.
